When the sun and one cloud fell from the sky
Fiona caught the hot orb with oven mitts
Reece held the puffy cloud
Everything went pitch dark
Night goggles on , the pair considered their options
Fiona caught the hot orb with oven mitts
Reece held the puffy cloud
Everything went pitch dark
Night goggles on , the pair considered their options
Genevieve cut her hand on a broken bottle but before she could bandage it up ....
The blood trickled onto the ground and with each drop of blood a small being appeared.
Genevieve kept this information to herself
The blood trickled onto the ground and with each drop of blood a small being appeared.
Genevieve kept this information to herself
Normally Gleason would not give an ant the time of day ,however there was a sense of familiarity , a commonality , almost like brothers
Leon sensed his shadow, the shape , the feel ,the volume, all wrong
When Leon moved the shadow moved but the rhythm was slithery
Things would never be the same
When Leon moved the shadow moved but the rhythm was slithery
Things would never be the same
Tonight was the Ecologists Ball
Trilpita and Frank Booth put on their best hivery then off to the gala .
Favorite course ,the palate cleanser , a hollowed out orange filled with peach sorbet
Trilpita and Frank Booth put on their best hivery then off to the gala .
Favorite course ,the palate cleanser , a hollowed out orange filled with peach sorbet
Every morning Mrs Kankle would leave for work at the same time as her neighbor Von Trill .
Head down ,keys in hand , Mrs Kankle lurched towards her car but was intercepted by Von .
NO she did not want to hear about Custer's last stand
Head down ,keys in hand , Mrs Kankle lurched towards her car but was intercepted by Von .
NO she did not want to hear about Custer's last stand
As Genevieve held her decoy pets and walked through the market , her caftan dragged behind her gathering dirt . A cumbersome costume , next week she might be a safari guide.
The life of a spy
The life of a spy
These girls do not like strawberries
Late one evening Assinto and Helg planned the attack
The siege would be short and precise
The attack would be with words , the weapons were only for show. When they were done , the quiet would be returned to the night
The siege would be short and precise
The attack would be with words , the weapons were only for show. When they were done , the quiet would be returned to the night
The plan was in play but this crew was prone to ineptitude or in other words
Long lunches, dart games and betting on horses
Long lunches, dart games and betting on horses
Mrs. Kimble hired a backwoods bodyguard to
Keep her monkey Roy safe
Keep her monkey Roy safe
Geena had run out of dinner ideas
Her culinary vocabulary was tapped out
She was distracted by a vision .
Sun and Mojitos
Her culinary vocabulary was tapped out
She was distracted by a vision .
Sun and Mojitos
Never before had Trish Green wanted something so badly but when she saw that dark blue silk scarf at the Neiman Marcus sale, she had to have it
Unfortunately, there was competition
Unfortunately, there was competition
When Ravel fainted the Agave plants turned black
When Ravel awoke the Agave would return to green
At least once a week a faint would occur
A hand wringing moment for plant and beast
When Ravel awoke the Agave would return to green
At least once a week a faint would occur
A hand wringing moment for plant and beast
Urden Sorenson rescued a devious rabbit from the sea
Urden was such a kind man , he never questioned why a rabbit would be in the ocean
Perhaps someone threw him in
Urden was such a kind man , he never questioned why a rabbit would be in the ocean
Perhaps someone threw him in
Weston was decidedly giving the wrong message with his attire for the day
Gala was a lousy cook....so the dishes all went on strike
Gala picked up these bowls and cups at a Second hand store
The striking ceramics had high standards, they previously belonged to a superb cook
Gala picked up these bowls and cups at a Second hand store
The striking ceramics had high standards, they previously belonged to a superb cook
Blaine wears the Headdress Of Secrets....and no, she will never tell
Mrs. Kraykle Darm dropped her birthday cake .. Tonight will be EPIC!!!!!
Feast on the floor
Feast on the floor
Callie slept while Vern invented
Tomorrow Vern would sleep and Callie would eat
Tomorrow Vern would sleep and Callie would eat
Upton and Gretha Klipp brought home a new pet...little did they know that the bird they named Conway, had gnashers like a gator.
No bow tie would tame that beast
No bow tie would tame that beast
Olson was consumed
The Spring had a strange effect on him
The Spring had a strange effect on him
Anne Witson and Dolly Febroot enjoying an afternoon break, later they would be on stage .
Fine actresses performing like pros…..just don’t upset them
Fine actresses performing like pros…..just don’t upset them
Raelynn Strandella was becoming a tree
Now a family of birds nestled in her hollow
Raelynn felt enthused with purpose
Her heart beat with soothing coos and chirps
Now a family of birds nestled in her hollow
Raelynn felt enthused with purpose
Her heart beat with soothing coos and chirps
Some people should not dress in midriffs and tube tops
Kayla would throw caution to the wind and trust a man in a green sweater
The romance would very likely be short, but recently ,love was just a shadow
The romance would very likely be short, but recently ,love was just a shadow
Ava was a nasty nanny, she let her rat Shrug scurry around the bed, she read storybooks about bloody severed hands and mean loggers
Felton was gripped with dismay, jitters and panic
Felton was gripped with dismay, jitters and panic
No news is good news when it is delivered by an obtuse form named Genevieve
The shining fresh faces revealed
All in a day's work
All in a day's work
Here come the Spring Ninjas
When Willis cooks , everyone eats
There was a rumor , the snake started it but Glen Hatford would find the truth .
Last year , the bat accused Glen of treason
This town had accusatory ears
Last year , the bat accused Glen of treason
This town had accusatory ears
Late one night the jello and the lemon went shopping, they bought chips, dried apricots , cashews , anchovies, butter lettuce,bobby pins,relish, rubber cement and primroses.
The lemon was stealthy but the jello went wobble, boing , quiver, thump
The lemon was stealthy but the jello went wobble, boing , quiver, thump
This was no time for a swim but with emotions running high Dean chose to ignore Willa's frivolities. There was always tomorrow
They headed for the village, Rosen at the top, if the Greyvon would not accept Boyd as he was, with Rosen along ,they would be embraced .
The comfort of complications .Felicia had a very interesting life of twists and turns
Simplicity was overrated
Simplicity was overrated
Roy walked Trina in his disguise
Sometimes Roy wanted to feel anonymous
Sometimes Roy wanted to feel anonymous
Kimberly was going to stay with her Aunt Caroline for the summer
The dads felt sadness but in the fall Kimberly would return and the house would be filled with laughter again
The dads felt sadness but in the fall Kimberly would return and the house would be filled with laughter again
Ursula and Kipper moved into a cave for the Spring. During the days,they slept but at night they would ransack Mrs. Flinks chicken coop and steal the eggs for omelets.
Her stare was like a cold compress of vinegar
Winnie remembered, NEVER mention virtue and punctually
Winnie remembered, NEVER mention virtue and punctually
Outlaws in capes
The tree did not like her original home , so , one night she tip toed over to a quiet street and landed indelicately in the flower bed of the esteemed landscape artist Mrs. Gray Dramkas
Just stand still
Look straight ahead
Maybe they will go away
Look straight ahead
Maybe they will go away
Trune Olla Kazloff wore her errand reminders in her hat ,Monday's her hat was full
Victoria and Gideon meet up with Aunt Mikona The Tooth
Today for lunch they would dine on liver and onions .
Victoria and Gideon became adept at spitting the offal into their napkins , repulsed by the offal but drawn to Auntie , she was a bright mystery
Today for lunch they would dine on liver and onions .
Victoria and Gideon became adept at spitting the offal into their napkins , repulsed by the offal but drawn to Auntie , she was a bright mystery
Every dog should have a serious woman hat
He came out of nowhere
Ruth selected the Pre historic Easter Bonnet
Big Bloom Raeleen and Vera Jake Sinclair had a secret and a pact but Nana Lee Helg was listening in
Trepita found trouble in the wine cellar
On a sunny pre spring day Arno Alexander found a skirt and legs
Arno rigged himself up and dropped himself right into that skirt
Arno rigged himself up and dropped himself right into that skirt
Jake went to bed with a frying pan
He did not trust her but she was so alluring
He did not trust her but she was so alluring
Every morning the same dispute, if only Hector would mind his own business
The Totem Flock would take turns choosing the evening meal
The ship drifted away slowly, almost like a mist
Saying goodbye was so final
Saying goodbye was so final
Felicia was so tired by the end of the week she carried a tiny bed
Puff Wintworth walked down the wrong street in the wrong neighborhood
Puff forgot her glasses at home
Puff forgot her glasses at home
Antonio fell forward into the swarm
One kind locust helped Antonio untangle
One kind locust helped Antonio untangle
Not even a storm could stop Kaloo
Tomorrow she would leave this rusted land and
No one would find her
Tomorrow she would leave this rusted land and
No one would find her
To some, Spring is a Beast
Sometimes Zel would fret and clench her fists so hard, her arms would fall asleep
Every morning she would shake and shimmy to wake those sleeping arms
Every morning she would shake and shimmy to wake those sleeping arms
Lissa strolls with her art
A meeting of the minds
Listening for Spring
Under the quiet of the moon
You can hear industry
Under the quiet of the moon
You can hear industry
Gust Michelle Pixwardo was in constant danger
With a grimace like a broken railroad track and the instincts of a ninja , Gust thwarted the underworld
With a grimace like a broken railroad track and the instincts of a ninja , Gust thwarted the underworld
- Melinda Lee Honeywindam had passion for many things ,rest, yoga, oration philanthropy and the color red but she had to draw the line somewhere
On a very rare occasion , The Patron Saint of Sharp and The Patron Saint of Dull wind up at the same dinner party
The air becomes chilly with reverence
The air becomes chilly with reverence
Monday was a shopping day of formality
Eggs , bread and chocolate
Helen could not live without chocolate
Eggs , bread and chocolate
Helen could not live without chocolate
Fluvan Swink was agitated , perhaps it was the wine talking
Bella knew...NEVER cross a maudlin snake
Bella knew...NEVER cross a maudlin snake
The Baroness Victoria Senitra Blassmann
Meets the artist Salty Anders
Meets the artist Salty Anders
Harper had a very elegant wife, she wore fur and a scowl
Their daughter Constance had mothers swagger and fathers composure
She was a genetic swirl of pickles and creme
Their daughter Constance had mothers swagger and fathers composure
She was a genetic swirl of pickles and creme
A lover returns
Walden was reincarnated
The reunion was mazy and bathetic
Walden was reincarnated
The reunion was mazy and bathetic
Two foxes in housecoats dancing with danger
Rotating , clicking and buzzing ………………………
This would never be enough
Everyone involved felt this way
This would never be enough
Everyone involved felt this way
Chef Maurice and his sous chef Milly
Today they plan the menu for a twelve course meal
The chef, a very heavy thinker
Milly, a radish rose making queen
Today they plan the menu for a twelve course meal
The chef, a very heavy thinker
Milly, a radish rose making queen
A summer of seaweed and flowers
When the orange vendor was in his villa hat
Man! he had fresh squeezed swing and style
Man! he had fresh squeezed swing and style
No one would perish in the Bouillabaisse today
Crimp and Evan wanted to sleep in the sea
Their delicate silk pajamas slapped heavy in the waves
Their delicate silk pajamas slapped heavy in the waves
The hare recognized a malefactor when he saw one
This was a rough week for Pauletta and Neal
Butter beans for every meal
Butter beans for every meal
Vera and Ham grew tired of city life
Off to the rurals they went
Vera became Vera Rae , she dressed in dark, casual fare
Ham slithered and wore hats
Off to the rurals they went
Vera became Vera Rae , she dressed in dark, casual fare
Ham slithered and wore hats
Two queens and a colander
Straining the sea and saving the salt
Straining the sea and saving the salt
When red birds tried to nest in her hair
Erna’s self defense mode kicked in
Thorny Liz , Legless Marie and Creasy Jane
A coterie of scholars
Building vast bridges with their sapient minds
A coterie of scholars
Building vast bridges with their sapient minds
The vindictive blueberry tempered her rage
A truce was called
The girls toasted with a feast of popcorn
She was a stern mother,Raised on whiskey and Irish stew
But in her nest of flesh
Life was snug and warm
A day to remember
Ursula was in an arranged marriage to an egg noodle
Apparently, he was generous, kind and poetic
Ursula would end up happy ,but today……...
The end of the world
Apparently, he was generous, kind and poetic
Ursula would end up happy ,but today……...
The end of the world
Wylene yearned to be like her mentor ,but she did not listen
Primrose Welch had very needy pets
When the Escallonia ceased blooming
Esther and Roy made masks
Poor Earl, Esther's husband, had a delicate heart
Esther and Roy made masks
Poor Earl, Esther's husband, had a delicate heart
The wind picked up……..no flying today
Disappointment can be fleeting or last a lifetime
Disappointment can be fleeting or last a lifetime
Ginger Palace Tappert had hair that belabored her
Shopping was a chore , Kelly Umber was a help with her low center of gravity
The walk home loomed over Ginger like the weight of the moon
Shopping was a chore , Kelly Umber was a help with her low center of gravity
The walk home loomed over Ginger like the weight of the moon
Meet the creators of the Lepple
Professor Harve Billows Sr. and Dr .Mildred Gracey Grason
Grafting Specialists LLC
Professor Harve Billows Sr. and Dr .Mildred Gracey Grason
Grafting Specialists LLC
Margo’s sweater vest yearned to see the love letter
Margo was cagey and would not divulge the recipient
Margo was cagey and would not divulge the recipient
Today was a rare day of indecision for Mimi
Should she wear the yellow wide brimmed hat, or the Beethoven wig
For Wyatt the decision was easy , he chose the Elvis
Should she wear the yellow wide brimmed hat, or the Beethoven wig
For Wyatt the decision was easy , he chose the Elvis
Scarlett wrote in swift graceful strokes ,like she was conducting an orchestra
Scarlett was shy, but when she wrote, she felt effervescent
Scarlett was shy, but when she wrote, she felt effervescent
Benjamin Esquire Jr. would not share his toast under any circumstance
When she was in this mood …………….
The ground trembled
The succulents sagged
The clouds averted their eyes
The anger was quick, like a shiver
And then it was gone
The ground trembled
The succulents sagged
The clouds averted their eyes
The anger was quick, like a shiver
And then it was gone
After a romantic dinner , Greg forgot where he parked the car
This morning , delicate hats
Tonight ……………omelets , pancakes . and country scramble
Tonight ……………omelets , pancakes . and country scramble
The queen banana slug kissed the prince.
The drooling embrace left the prince slimy
The experience was sensual and repulsive all at the same time
The drooling embrace left the prince slimy
The experience was sensual and repulsive all at the same time
Last night Milly wished she was someone else …………..anyone else
Today Milly woke up as a russet potato
Milly felt cool ,bumpy and slow , it was a nice sensation
Today Milly woke up as a russet potato
Milly felt cool ,bumpy and slow , it was a nice sensation
They shared a sadness and a love of jewel tones
Apparently mom and grandma needed to get their drink on ……………..so
Kippy was shipped off to the sitters for the evening
Kippy was shipped off to the sitters for the evening
Sisters reunited after many years
Both loved the color watermelon……………it elicited happy memories
Goes to show, blood is thicker than water
Both loved the color watermelon……………it elicited happy memories
Goes to show, blood is thicker than water
Draped over the Zamboni ,he pledged his undying love for her
Dangerous babysitter
Gabbie Halsworth transplanted a plant into a big pot
The leaves dried up and started turning black
On windy days the leaves rustled and clicked like dried bones
Gabbie whispered to the plant every day, little love notes, so it would feel at home
Jasper dressed in his tribal gear and danced every day at dusk
Everyone has a shimmer
It moves in many directions and sends out kind tendrils
The leaves dried up and started turning black
On windy days the leaves rustled and clicked like dried bones
Gabbie whispered to the plant every day, little love notes, so it would feel at home
Jasper dressed in his tribal gear and danced every day at dusk
Everyone has a shimmer
It moves in many directions and sends out kind tendrils
They rested together
Because they were similar, they felt safe
Because they were similar, they felt safe
Grape The Hustler Blanchard and Rula Finch Bastardo attended a party
This was not good …………
Both women turned up in the same frock!
Chick fight
This was not good …………
Both women turned up in the same frock!
Chick fight
The three levitating dogs waited for a snack
Miss Susie had no snacks , just her nutritional journal
Miss Susie believed in three square meals a day
Miss Susie was firm on this rule .
The dogs respected her parameters
Miss Susie had no snacks , just her nutritional journal
Miss Susie believed in three square meals a day
Miss Susie was firm on this rule .
The dogs respected her parameters
Les mères des enfants, des lapins, des singes, des oiseaux, des lézards, des ours, des insectes, des poissons, des chats, des chiens, des rats et plus. L'amour est l'amour. Bonne fête des mères
Being a shadow was a lonely but revealing profession
Grace wanted to please her mother but…………..
The full body sweater she knitted for her, was hot and itchy
For Mothers Day she would wear the prickling suit
Then off to the closet, never to see the light of day again
The full body sweater she knitted for her, was hot and itchy
For Mothers Day she would wear the prickling suit
Then off to the closet, never to see the light of day again
Sisters Geneva and Rannie prepared the soil for a vegetable garden
A pile of sleeping birds rested until the sisters disturbed the soil
The feast of worms starts the cycle
A pile of sleeping birds rested until the sisters disturbed the soil
The feast of worms starts the cycle
Leonora Felice Nopola had a dream about Camilla flowers
In the dream Leonora ate soup from the petals
The soup tasted like chicken noodle but it was a pretty red, like borscht
Whenever Leonora needed a lift ,she dressed in the flowers
In the dream Leonora ate soup from the petals
The soup tasted like chicken noodle but it was a pretty red, like borscht
Whenever Leonora needed a lift ,she dressed in the flowers
Today Lester missed his home
Lester cried tears of reflection
Ava followed behind him with a tissue to catch the sorrow
That was all she could do
Lester cried tears of reflection
Ava followed behind him with a tissue to catch the sorrow
That was all she could do
Deidra sized up the competition at the Medical Terminology Spelling Bee
The room was thick with flowers
If not for the gap in the petals
They might have never met
If not for the gap in the petals
They might have never met
Today was a magical day
Bacon particulate fell from the sky
Bacon particulate fell from the sky
Love at first sight ……………
Not always a good idea
Not always a good idea
Claudia was delighted
Her costume was like a slice of red velvet cake
Now she was sweet inside and out
Her costume was like a slice of red velvet cake
Now she was sweet inside and out
Sylvia guarded the forest
Sylvia started a club , she was lonely
The club was called “Forest Patrons “
The club members consisted of two birds and a fungus
The fungus voted against everything and the birds were yes men
Sylvia started a club , she was lonely
The club was called “Forest Patrons “
The club members consisted of two birds and a fungus
The fungus voted against everything and the birds were yes men
Iris had ghost lips
Unobtainable
Unobtainable
Rodolfo was a phlegmatic baby
Steadfast and brainy, like a beatnik Buddha
With wisdom beyond his years
Or so it seemed, because ………
Rodolfo was born with a beard
Steadfast and brainy, like a beatnik Buddha
With wisdom beyond his years
Or so it seemed, because ………
Rodolfo was born with a beard
Hazel was a doppelganger
Their voices sounded like small beads on glass
Today death hid in the arms of a bird
Glennie was a resort wear designer
For summer she presents, the organic edible pea lanai robe
Sizes XXXXL , XXXL , XXL, XL, Large , Medium , Small and Petite
For summer she presents, the organic edible pea lanai robe
Sizes XXXXL , XXXL , XXL, XL, Large , Medium , Small and Petite
Tonight was date night and Joy’s parents looked beguiling
Joy would stay home with the sitter
The snacks would be ……...popcorn ,chocolate drops , gummy bears , Jordan almonds ,taco chips ,salted peanuts , graham crackers , licorice sticks ,ice cream , mini pizzas and kippers
Sometimes you have to bribe the baby on a Saturday night
Joy would stay home with the sitter
The snacks would be ……...popcorn ,chocolate drops , gummy bears , Jordan almonds ,taco chips ,salted peanuts , graham crackers , licorice sticks ,ice cream , mini pizzas and kippers
Sometimes you have to bribe the baby on a Saturday night
Big Greasy snatched Jaundice Edmund’s head
The swamp was no place for a novice
The swamp was no place for a novice
The mother bird implored the stump
“Keep my children snug. I will return in May”
The stump replied “My brittle limbs will not falter”
The children even in their infancy, teared up at the thought of mothers departure
“Keep my children snug. I will return in May”
The stump replied “My brittle limbs will not falter”
The children even in their infancy, teared up at the thought of mothers departure
Deena Delancey had a penchant for the bad
That is why she was dining with a demon
That is why she was dining with a demon
Lillian grew tired of being cast out into the rough sea
Lillian wanted a different life, so , she went inland
One yard she came upon was soft and grassy
Lillian stopped , her sensible shoes sunk into the deep green
Suddenly the residents stood in front of Lilian and confronted her
“Move on Missy ,this is our yard !”
Lillian scooped them up “there’s plenty of room for all of us”
The bugs had no choice , Lillian was huge and meshy
Lillian wanted a different life, so , she went inland
One yard she came upon was soft and grassy
Lillian stopped , her sensible shoes sunk into the deep green
Suddenly the residents stood in front of Lilian and confronted her
“Move on Missy ,this is our yard !”
Lillian scooped them up “there’s plenty of room for all of us”
The bugs had no choice , Lillian was huge and meshy
Today Francoise dressed as a cherry blossom branch
Francoise wanted to be in someone else’s shoes
So today she would try on the bark of a radiant tree
Everything about this felt good
Francoise wanted to be in someone else’s shoes
So today she would try on the bark of a radiant tree
Everything about this felt good
Polly was tired of arguing with Adalard
Polly was not good at debating, however ,Adalard was an analytical prizefighter
Polly succumbed to emotional pleading
With arms crossed Adalard refused to brew
Polly was not good at debating, however ,Adalard was an analytical prizefighter
Polly succumbed to emotional pleading
With arms crossed Adalard refused to brew
Bess practiced the ancient art of Spit Planting
As the seeds landed in the loam, her dress clicked like a castanet
As the seeds landed in the loam, her dress clicked like a castanet
Today Dolly bloomed
The garden bewildered Dolly
Drowsy from an eternal winter sleep
A socially awkward flower arrives
The garden bewildered Dolly
Drowsy from an eternal winter sleep
A socially awkward flower arrives
Planting season
Crandall would practice his roping every morning in the kitchen
Perfume and Velvet barked
Felice questioned herself
Is this the mammal I married ?
Vishna grew tired of this date with Hal …………..
Too much chatter , too much small talk
After a lunch of civilized cucumber sandwiches and sweet tea
Vishna sucked the lips off her date
Vishna was happy and amused
Now she could hear the water lapping against the boat
Today the sun and a cloud stayed home
They discussed many things
Politics , environment, music and the soul patch on the clouds chin
All and all it was a introspective and well needed day off
They discussed many things
Politics , environment, music and the soul patch on the clouds chin
All and all it was a introspective and well needed day off
Nature and beauty can be deceptive
Take Ruth Kinishe Penswayla, for instance
Please look but do not touch
Dr. Analisa Tribnalto took her patient out into the forest
The young Graden had a phobia of nature
The Dr. would be utilizing” Convection Fear Therapy “
Dr. Analisa plugged in the convection monitor and Whoosh!
Graden burst into flames! This was a disaster !
A lawsuit would be served up like rotten leftovers
Luckily they were near a lake and the Dr.calmly dipped poor Graden into the water and doused the flames
Graden was so overcome , he forgot about his fear
Another case closed ,another bullet dodged
The young Graden had a phobia of nature
The Dr. would be utilizing” Convection Fear Therapy “
Dr. Analisa plugged in the convection monitor and Whoosh!
Graden burst into flames! This was a disaster !
A lawsuit would be served up like rotten leftovers
Luckily they were near a lake and the Dr.calmly dipped poor Graden into the water and doused the flames
Graden was so overcome , he forgot about his fear
Another case closed ,another bullet dodged
Edna was just starting out
She was invited to a swank cocktail party
Edna made a dress of tin foil and her dog Rolf was her escort
OOOOhh, the dress was creaky , stiff and sharp
That night at the party, everyone LOVED her fashion sense
Edna was on her way…………..
She was invited to a swank cocktail party
Edna made a dress of tin foil and her dog Rolf was her escort
OOOOhh, the dress was creaky , stiff and sharp
That night at the party, everyone LOVED her fashion sense
Edna was on her way…………..
Lulled into a fragrance stupor
We think this is love
The seductress spring has a hold
We think this is love
The seductress spring has a hold
Lannie Patrakis was returning home from the vegetable market
Suddenly a large insect appeared
He demanded the fruit
Strangely enough he had a very pompous and off putting personality
Shoo Fly !
Suddenly a large insect appeared
He demanded the fruit
Strangely enough he had a very pompous and off putting personality
Shoo Fly !
Paulina was a bulky thug of a girl
She only loved Red Jenny and Leroy and they loved her.
Paulina had no sentiment for people
She would take your gum and spit in your coffee
Paulina was not a people person
Sisters , Daphne and Hortensia Bloom, made a new dress in homage to
their recently deceased cat Calistoga Sue
The girls were proud of the grand remembrance frock
their recently deceased cat Calistoga Sue
The girls were proud of the grand remembrance frock
When Ella looked at her reflection she saw traditional beauty
This was not the case
Ella was unique in looks and personality
Mother would say “you are a stunner! Watch out world!”
Ella listened to her mother, as a grown woman …….
Everyone thought Ella was beautiful inside and out
This was not the case
Ella was unique in looks and personality
Mother would say “you are a stunner! Watch out world!”
Ella listened to her mother, as a grown woman …….
Everyone thought Ella was beautiful inside and out
Donna was sleepwalking again
This time with hot coffee in her hand
Go back to bed Donna your dreams are in repose
This time with hot coffee in her hand
Go back to bed Donna your dreams are in repose
Too much of a good thing
Willow went on a spinach binge
Sound the alarm and stay out of the way
The green tempest is on the warpath
You will know who she is by her hue and demeanor
Willow went on a spinach binge
Sound the alarm and stay out of the way
The green tempest is on the warpath
You will know who she is by her hue and demeanor
A stunning memory
In retrospect, poignant
Like dragging flowers through tall wet grass
In retrospect, poignant
Like dragging flowers through tall wet grass
Marty went fishing in Alaska for the season
Oona missed him so much she would stand under his portrait and dream
One mild evening the dream felt very real
Marty reached his arm out of the painting
“Everything will be fine Oona , I will be home soon”
Oona hoped the dream would fuel her for the rest of the month
Oona missed him so much she would stand under his portrait and dream
One mild evening the dream felt very real
Marty reached his arm out of the painting
“Everything will be fine Oona , I will be home soon”
Oona hoped the dream would fuel her for the rest of the month
A garish toad with brains
Iris was smitten
Why you ask?
Smart is sexy
Iris was smitten
Why you ask?
Smart is sexy
From this day forth , I will live as a bird
Gorky dined on a luscious Indian curry
The curry guided him into exotic dreams
Gorky dreamt his torso was a pot roast
He danced unabandoned with large forks
Standing beside him was Carl Jung
Dr. Jung wore a notebook around his neck and a mermaid skirt
Gorky’s unconscious was in a tailspin
The curry guided him into exotic dreams
Gorky dreamt his torso was a pot roast
He danced unabandoned with large forks
Standing beside him was Carl Jung
Dr. Jung wore a notebook around his neck and a mermaid skirt
Gorky’s unconscious was in a tailspin
Spring arrives like a garish aunt wearing drugstore perfume
Fernanda risked it all
Now her heart burst
She wore fair weather ,like a satin blouse
She would wear the storm ,like a bullet proof vest
Now her heart burst
She wore fair weather ,like a satin blouse
She would wear the storm ,like a bullet proof vest
A beauty queen banked by two hovering potato bodyguards
I hope they are reliable
I hope they are reliable
Dorin carried bacon across the busy street
After all, she was the queen of meat
After all, she was the queen of meat
Stanislav Retires From Racing
Stanislav “The Glorious” retires from many years of racing. Stanislav is a thoroughbred racehorse from Russia. His trainer Vlad Potkin Jr. was forced to take his champion horse out of the racing circuit. “The Glorious ” had won many races and was notorious for his temperamental behavior. Vlad would praise Stanislav after each race. The crowd would be going wild, yelling, cheering and throwing confetti. When the flower garland was placed around Stanislav’s neck, he would rear up and rampage though the barns, knocking over things and making a huge scene. The last race that Stanislav won was the final humiliation for Vlad, who seemingly had no control over his willful horse. The race had ended and of course he won by several lengths. Vlad was grinning from ear to ear when suddenly Stanislav kicked Vlad, knocking him down and giving him a nasty concussion! Vlad ended up with a stint in the hospital and Stanislav was banned from racing ever again. The two travelled on the Trans Siberian railway to Vlads hometown of Yaroslavl. Stanislav would never race again, he would live out his cantankerous days in Russia. Vlads health improved and to this day he looks after Stanislav from a distance, the two remain infamous in the journals of horse racing history .
The Red Reapers Birthday
The Red Reaper happens to be a woman and today is her birthday.
She is the bearer of bad news, the pariah of life, but today is a celebration, a scarlet festival of grim joy.
The Red Reaper was born in a quiet village near Stockholm; she was abandoned by her parents and left below the statue of the Stor Uggla (the Great Owl). Red grew up on her own which made her the strong, independent woman that she is today. People have often questioned the hood she always wears. It is the most inquired thing about Red and let me just allay your curiosity, she does have hair. However, it is the color of the moon with dirt rubbed into it. She has always found it to be her worst feature and so the hood. Red is not interested in displaying any signs of weakness in her line of work.
Ronato pulled up in his truck this sunny morning to collect all the Red Reapers friends and acquaintances to attend the birthday party.
All the “reaped” souls of the past attended. These were Reds friends, whom she got to know after she had plucked them from their former existences.
They came from all ends of the earth. Red was well versed in all languages and dialects, so the conversations were endless and significant. They might have strong opinions, smoke too much, and talk too loud, but they were her friends and she was grateful to have their company.
So remember the date May 25th each year - that is the Red Reapers birthday. Smell the air on that day. You will notice a faint aroma of Roasted red pepper…..Reds favorite fragrance.
She is the bearer of bad news, the pariah of life, but today is a celebration, a scarlet festival of grim joy.
The Red Reaper was born in a quiet village near Stockholm; she was abandoned by her parents and left below the statue of the Stor Uggla (the Great Owl). Red grew up on her own which made her the strong, independent woman that she is today. People have often questioned the hood she always wears. It is the most inquired thing about Red and let me just allay your curiosity, she does have hair. However, it is the color of the moon with dirt rubbed into it. She has always found it to be her worst feature and so the hood. Red is not interested in displaying any signs of weakness in her line of work.
Ronato pulled up in his truck this sunny morning to collect all the Red Reapers friends and acquaintances to attend the birthday party.
All the “reaped” souls of the past attended. These were Reds friends, whom she got to know after she had plucked them from their former existences.
They came from all ends of the earth. Red was well versed in all languages and dialects, so the conversations were endless and significant. They might have strong opinions, smoke too much, and talk too loud, but they were her friends and she was grateful to have their company.
So remember the date May 25th each year - that is the Red Reapers birthday. Smell the air on that day. You will notice a faint aroma of Roasted red pepper…..Reds favorite fragrance.
It All Started In Veracruz
Juanita and Alaria had been friends since childhood. They attended boarding school together and even had a joint Quinceanera both wearing beautiful dresses sewn with little handmade roses made of silk. Juanita’s was red and Alaria’s pink. Their mothers cooked for days to get ready for the event. With fresh corn tortillas, tamales stuffed with chicken, dark rich mole with creamy beans and empanadas, it was a feast to be remembered. The party was so remarkable and the food so luscious that it inspired Alaria to attend cooking school. She studied to become a chef and graduated from culinary school in Los Angeles. Juanita went another direction. She was more bookish and pursued a degree in art history. She graduated from Boston University. They had both become accomplished women.
But these two were extremely different. In the looks department, Juanita was the stunner. Although she was prematurely grey, she was still lovely. She always wore pearls and a skirt (always in fashion). She had a good curvy figure and when she was happy she was a pleasure to be around. But when she was mad, she was a storm of crashing waves and thunderclouds. So during those moments, you steered clear of her.
Alaria was much shorter and a much more eclectic dresser. She liked to wear more bohemian outfits with sparkle and shine. Her temperament was much more even, which was good since she worked as a sous chef in a busy kitchen where she always kept her cool in the midst of the stress.
One summer many years later the two young women returned to their home of Veracruz. They both took a vacation at the same time to visit with each other and their families since neither had been home for a very long time. It was a three week holiday in the warm sun.
In Los Angeles, Alicia had fallen in love with a young up and coming film maker. His teachers considered him a visionary. Alicia fell hard and before you know it she was pregnant and alone. The filmmaker, his curls and nerdish glasses had moved on to another girl.
Alicia was ready for this vacation and needed to introduce her daughter Ana to the family. She had kept Ana a secret as her family was very traditional and would not approve. However, Alicia knew that her family loved babies and would fall queasy in love with Ana.
Juanita had her own troubles in love. She was more the man-eater type and intellectual men would fall for her. She kept them around for awhile and then pushed them away. It was a game and she grew bored quickly.
That summer they both fell smack in love, unable to think straight, besotted and giddy. This was a problem - they were both smitten with the same man! Anserto was not the best looking man in Veracruz, or the richest, but he was kind and very, very tall and thin. In his crumpled cowboy hat and faded clothes, Anserto had swagger and charisma which all women found alarmingly addictive. He was a mask maker and specialized in Day of the Dead masks for festivals and tourists. He was masterful at his craft and people came from everywhere to buy them.
Both girls made a play for Anserto. Alicia was a bit hesitant at first – after all, she had a baby- but she had to try. Either he loved children or not and she would soon find out. Alicia’s attempt at seduction came in the form of food. She cooked a meal a man would die for; steak grilled in butter and capers, mashed potatoes with ricotta and garlic, salad with sweet tomatoes and crisp croutons and for desert a chocolate cake with toasted crushed almonds. How could he resist? Anserto loved the attention, and was taken by the dinner and Alicia’s sweet daughter Ana. The evening was a success.
Not to be outdone, Juanita had her own tactics. She got all dolled up in high, high heels, a flirty dress and black silk shawl. Watch out, Anserto. Here comes Juanita! Of course all she had to do was walk in, strut around a little bit and he was a goner. They dined al fresco at an intimate café, feeding each other fresh calamari and langoustine.
Little did the two girls know, but Anserto already had a girlfriend and a jealous one at that! Petricia had been dating Anserto for three years and was bound and determined to keep him. Whenever another woman appeared on the scene, Petricia would go after them with her father’s ax! She never hurt anyone, but when they encountered an ax wielding harpy, the other women would flee. It was an effective deterrent. Although they didn't know that Anserto and Petricia were dating , Alicia and Juanita had grown up in Veracruz with her and they knew about her jealousy . Nonetheless they were not intimidated . Many times in the past, Alicia would back down and give up on winning a man’s heart but not this time. She paid no attention to Petricia or Juanita. She was determined to have Anserto as her husband and it ended up not being as difficult as Alicia might have imagined. Petricia grew tired of Anserto’s attention to other women and left town. As for Juanita, she just grew bored like usual. She wanted Alicia to be happy. After all, they grew up together and had remained friends after all these years. It would just be stupid to end the friendship over a man. Besides, she knew she could get any man she wanted - maybe not keep him, but that didn’t interest her.
By now, Anserto had fallen in love with Alicia and her fine cooking. So off they went to the Salton Sea for the wedding. It was not the most beautiful spot for a wedding, but Alicia had a different view of beauty and to her it was paradise. Juanita even attended the wedding and stayed for several months to do a photographic book on the area. During which time she met Lars, a fish taxidermist. Alicia, Anserto and Ana lived in Veracruz and Petricia became a renowned marine biologist in Florida.
But these two were extremely different. In the looks department, Juanita was the stunner. Although she was prematurely grey, she was still lovely. She always wore pearls and a skirt (always in fashion). She had a good curvy figure and when she was happy she was a pleasure to be around. But when she was mad, she was a storm of crashing waves and thunderclouds. So during those moments, you steered clear of her.
Alaria was much shorter and a much more eclectic dresser. She liked to wear more bohemian outfits with sparkle and shine. Her temperament was much more even, which was good since she worked as a sous chef in a busy kitchen where she always kept her cool in the midst of the stress.
One summer many years later the two young women returned to their home of Veracruz. They both took a vacation at the same time to visit with each other and their families since neither had been home for a very long time. It was a three week holiday in the warm sun.
In Los Angeles, Alicia had fallen in love with a young up and coming film maker. His teachers considered him a visionary. Alicia fell hard and before you know it she was pregnant and alone. The filmmaker, his curls and nerdish glasses had moved on to another girl.
Alicia was ready for this vacation and needed to introduce her daughter Ana to the family. She had kept Ana a secret as her family was very traditional and would not approve. However, Alicia knew that her family loved babies and would fall queasy in love with Ana.
Juanita had her own troubles in love. She was more the man-eater type and intellectual men would fall for her. She kept them around for awhile and then pushed them away. It was a game and she grew bored quickly.
That summer they both fell smack in love, unable to think straight, besotted and giddy. This was a problem - they were both smitten with the same man! Anserto was not the best looking man in Veracruz, or the richest, but he was kind and very, very tall and thin. In his crumpled cowboy hat and faded clothes, Anserto had swagger and charisma which all women found alarmingly addictive. He was a mask maker and specialized in Day of the Dead masks for festivals and tourists. He was masterful at his craft and people came from everywhere to buy them.
Both girls made a play for Anserto. Alicia was a bit hesitant at first – after all, she had a baby- but she had to try. Either he loved children or not and she would soon find out. Alicia’s attempt at seduction came in the form of food. She cooked a meal a man would die for; steak grilled in butter and capers, mashed potatoes with ricotta and garlic, salad with sweet tomatoes and crisp croutons and for desert a chocolate cake with toasted crushed almonds. How could he resist? Anserto loved the attention, and was taken by the dinner and Alicia’s sweet daughter Ana. The evening was a success.
Not to be outdone, Juanita had her own tactics. She got all dolled up in high, high heels, a flirty dress and black silk shawl. Watch out, Anserto. Here comes Juanita! Of course all she had to do was walk in, strut around a little bit and he was a goner. They dined al fresco at an intimate café, feeding each other fresh calamari and langoustine.
Little did the two girls know, but Anserto already had a girlfriend and a jealous one at that! Petricia had been dating Anserto for three years and was bound and determined to keep him. Whenever another woman appeared on the scene, Petricia would go after them with her father’s ax! She never hurt anyone, but when they encountered an ax wielding harpy, the other women would flee. It was an effective deterrent. Although they didn't know that Anserto and Petricia were dating , Alicia and Juanita had grown up in Veracruz with her and they knew about her jealousy . Nonetheless they were not intimidated . Many times in the past, Alicia would back down and give up on winning a man’s heart but not this time. She paid no attention to Petricia or Juanita. She was determined to have Anserto as her husband and it ended up not being as difficult as Alicia might have imagined. Petricia grew tired of Anserto’s attention to other women and left town. As for Juanita, she just grew bored like usual. She wanted Alicia to be happy. After all, they grew up together and had remained friends after all these years. It would just be stupid to end the friendship over a man. Besides, she knew she could get any man she wanted - maybe not keep him, but that didn’t interest her.
By now, Anserto had fallen in love with Alicia and her fine cooking. So off they went to the Salton Sea for the wedding. It was not the most beautiful spot for a wedding, but Alicia had a different view of beauty and to her it was paradise. Juanita even attended the wedding and stayed for several months to do a photographic book on the area. During which time she met Lars, a fish taxidermist. Alicia, Anserto and Ana lived in Veracruz and Petricia became a renowned marine biologist in Florida.
Doreen And Her Diabolical Twist Of Love
At the age of seven Doreen was scared out of her pants when her father hid behind a doorway in the dark hallway of their mid century home. He jumped out from behind the door and poor Doreen dropped her toothbrush on the slate floor and went running to look for her mother. Doreen’s dad was mean spirited and was always doing stuff like that. Needless to say it affected her for life.
As an adult, Doreen left all her lights on when she went to bed. She could not sleep in the dark. Her bedside table had a large flashlight at the ready in case of a power outage and she collected votive holders of many colors just in case her batteries failed.
Doreen was extreme about light, she had at one time lived on the Oregon coast, where the winters were long, rainy and dark. In the summer it was beautiful, but she could no longer deal with the dark days of winter. During this time her collection of candles and votives grew larger but Doreen’s moods grew darker and she knew it was time for a change.
The plane ride to Ecuador was long and tiresome, but Doreen was excited to start her new life in a hot sunny climate. Doreen intended to teach English at a small school in Otavalo. The sun went down and many people shut their window shades on the plane so they could get some sleep. Doreen pulled out her squash colored Fleur De Lis candle holder with an LED candle and held it close. This was a comforting item to her and she felt a little more at ease. The sun came up and Doreen managed to sleep a little. Before she knew it, the plane was landing and she was in Ecuador!
The sun was hot, the days were long and Doreen loved her new home. Her teaching was going well and in her off hours she would shop at the outdoor markets for vegetables and trinkets. At dusk she would fill the house with light! Her whole collection of candle holders lit up the night with a soft soothing light.
Soon after she arrived and was settled in Doreen met Javier who was an exporter. At first sight they were taken with each other and many romantic evenings were spent in candlelight dancing to Brazilian music. Little did Doreen know that Javier was really a miscreant and thought that Doreen had lot’s of money stowed away somewhere. Doreen was also not the sweetest candy in the box and she was hoping that Javier was wealthy and she would be able to quit her job and enjoy the easy life. She didn’t care that he was homely and short. She needed money and her job paid very little.
They both had designs to snare one another. Javier intended to sneak into Doreen’s home during the day when she was not and home and ransack her place. Doreen intended to steal Javier’s checkbook and forge a big fat juicy check. One night when the two got very drunk they revealed their plans to each other! It turned out that Javier was an exporter of Pan flutes and this was not a lucrative business. He was not a rich man after all. Doreen revealed to Javier that she had a meager income and very few savings, and there was nothing worth stealing in her home. They laughed about their devious plans and realized that they were two peas in a pod. They lived together for many years and cooked up many plans to swindle the tourists visiting the area.
Every year Javier would give Doreen a couple new votive holders for her birthday .
An immoral couple living in devious bliss.
As an adult, Doreen left all her lights on when she went to bed. She could not sleep in the dark. Her bedside table had a large flashlight at the ready in case of a power outage and she collected votive holders of many colors just in case her batteries failed.
Doreen was extreme about light, she had at one time lived on the Oregon coast, where the winters were long, rainy and dark. In the summer it was beautiful, but she could no longer deal with the dark days of winter. During this time her collection of candles and votives grew larger but Doreen’s moods grew darker and she knew it was time for a change.
The plane ride to Ecuador was long and tiresome, but Doreen was excited to start her new life in a hot sunny climate. Doreen intended to teach English at a small school in Otavalo. The sun went down and many people shut their window shades on the plane so they could get some sleep. Doreen pulled out her squash colored Fleur De Lis candle holder with an LED candle and held it close. This was a comforting item to her and she felt a little more at ease. The sun came up and Doreen managed to sleep a little. Before she knew it, the plane was landing and she was in Ecuador!
The sun was hot, the days were long and Doreen loved her new home. Her teaching was going well and in her off hours she would shop at the outdoor markets for vegetables and trinkets. At dusk she would fill the house with light! Her whole collection of candle holders lit up the night with a soft soothing light.
Soon after she arrived and was settled in Doreen met Javier who was an exporter. At first sight they were taken with each other and many romantic evenings were spent in candlelight dancing to Brazilian music. Little did Doreen know that Javier was really a miscreant and thought that Doreen had lot’s of money stowed away somewhere. Doreen was also not the sweetest candy in the box and she was hoping that Javier was wealthy and she would be able to quit her job and enjoy the easy life. She didn’t care that he was homely and short. She needed money and her job paid very little.
They both had designs to snare one another. Javier intended to sneak into Doreen’s home during the day when she was not and home and ransack her place. Doreen intended to steal Javier’s checkbook and forge a big fat juicy check. One night when the two got very drunk they revealed their plans to each other! It turned out that Javier was an exporter of Pan flutes and this was not a lucrative business. He was not a rich man after all. Doreen revealed to Javier that she had a meager income and very few savings, and there was nothing worth stealing in her home. They laughed about their devious plans and realized that they were two peas in a pod. They lived together for many years and cooked up many plans to swindle the tourists visiting the area.
Every year Javier would give Doreen a couple new votive holders for her birthday .
An immoral couple living in devious bliss.
Nina's Slip Of Fate With Charming Graciano
Nina loved the heat of the sun. She liked to be warm but not too warm so she sat under an umbrella and enjoyed the heat from that protected shade. Weather was an issue for Nina, period. She started out as a ballet dancer, but she needed more speed so she became a professional ice skater. The only problem was that she had no affinity with the cold. The hard chill of the ice did not bode well for her moods. On the ice she was a frigid, testy diva. She wanted to leave the sport of ice skating but she was perfection on ice and her anger at being cold fueled the flame of competition. She won many skating championships, but she was resigned to living an unbalanced life.
One day Nina’s trainer suggested that she find a skating partner. She had always been a solo act but coach Reedy was right - she needed to push herself to more challenging feats in the skating arena and having a partner would definitely up her game.
Nina was out to find her partner and she had a long list of attributes that he should possess. The list was long. He must be handsome, tall (but not too tall as Nina was only five three), strong, patient and focused. It went on and on.
She began doing research on the internet and in her search the same name kept popping up “ Charming Graciano “. He was from Portugal and was touted as the best male solo skater ever to rise from the ice skating ranks.
Now all she had to do was to convince him into skating with her. After all, she was a champion and this would be a great partnership. I think the thing that Nina was most intrigued about was Graciano’s moniker - “Charming”. She needed charming. Her demeanor was cold, so someone with a little finesse would be a definite asset. Nina flew to Portugal and took in some sun but most importantly she met the great Graciano and convinced him into a partnership. He was an Adonis on ice!
The partnership was a success, the two were on a winning streak and they were hungry for more!
Charming Graciano with his sleek moves and Nina with her icy precision complemented each other perfectly until one day at a competition in Ontario, Canada. Nina was in a foul mood before the meet. She was back in cold weather and not at all pleased. The two started their routine with grace and style - skimming the slick surface and cutting in with the sharp blades of their skates. The music was Dave Brubeck’s “Take Five” and they were cool and chill moving to the gleam of jazz. But as they were getting ready to launch the grand finale move (the difficult “Death Spiral”) Nina’s arm slipped out of Graciano’s grasp and she splayed flat out onto the ice!
Nina was mortified. She was bruised but her ego was broken so she made the decision at that moment to retire from skating and get off the ice for good. Charming Graciano became partners with Nina’s toughest competitor Helga Peters. They both had blond hair and matched in height and looks .
That was it!
Nina moved to New Mexico to live in the sun. She became a senior partner for “Sol”, a solar panel company. Her moods improved and she married coach Reedy. He was fifteen years her senior but he had stuck with her through thick and thin and was not bothered by hers mood swings. Since moving to a warm place she was almost content and when you are as difficult as Nina, contentment is a huge improvement.
Nina finished with skating but still watches competitions on TV. Charming and Helga are still on the circuit to this day winning medals and acting in cameo roles on soap operas.
One day Nina’s trainer suggested that she find a skating partner. She had always been a solo act but coach Reedy was right - she needed to push herself to more challenging feats in the skating arena and having a partner would definitely up her game.
Nina was out to find her partner and she had a long list of attributes that he should possess. The list was long. He must be handsome, tall (but not too tall as Nina was only five three), strong, patient and focused. It went on and on.
She began doing research on the internet and in her search the same name kept popping up “ Charming Graciano “. He was from Portugal and was touted as the best male solo skater ever to rise from the ice skating ranks.
Now all she had to do was to convince him into skating with her. After all, she was a champion and this would be a great partnership. I think the thing that Nina was most intrigued about was Graciano’s moniker - “Charming”. She needed charming. Her demeanor was cold, so someone with a little finesse would be a definite asset. Nina flew to Portugal and took in some sun but most importantly she met the great Graciano and convinced him into a partnership. He was an Adonis on ice!
The partnership was a success, the two were on a winning streak and they were hungry for more!
Charming Graciano with his sleek moves and Nina with her icy precision complemented each other perfectly until one day at a competition in Ontario, Canada. Nina was in a foul mood before the meet. She was back in cold weather and not at all pleased. The two started their routine with grace and style - skimming the slick surface and cutting in with the sharp blades of their skates. The music was Dave Brubeck’s “Take Five” and they were cool and chill moving to the gleam of jazz. But as they were getting ready to launch the grand finale move (the difficult “Death Spiral”) Nina’s arm slipped out of Graciano’s grasp and she splayed flat out onto the ice!
Nina was mortified. She was bruised but her ego was broken so she made the decision at that moment to retire from skating and get off the ice for good. Charming Graciano became partners with Nina’s toughest competitor Helga Peters. They both had blond hair and matched in height and looks .
That was it!
Nina moved to New Mexico to live in the sun. She became a senior partner for “Sol”, a solar panel company. Her moods improved and she married coach Reedy. He was fifteen years her senior but he had stuck with her through thick and thin and was not bothered by hers mood swings. Since moving to a warm place she was almost content and when you are as difficult as Nina, contentment is a huge improvement.
Nina finished with skating but still watches competitions on TV. Charming and Helga are still on the circuit to this day winning medals and acting in cameo roles on soap operas.
The Adventures Of Grieb Gretch
Grieb Gretch was not the beauty her mother had hoped her to be, but she made up for that by her undaunted enthusiasm for everything she did. She could be described as plain as a bowl of dried plaster. She wore a drab dress most of the time and orthopedic black shoes which she found to be quite practical. The one thing that you might consider a little eccentric was the silk scarf wrapped like a turban around her head, this started after a life changing trip to Mozambique.
The year was 1989 and Grieb was on her way to Mozambique. It was vast and beautiful there, but just her luck something happened while she was sunning on the beach. She was sprayed by the venom of the Black Spitting Scorpion - one of the most venomous species in Africa. The infection was so severe; it caused her to lose her hand. After a year of healing and rest, she was given a hand transplant. The donor was a woman named Fat Eva. She died a week earlier and donated organs and body parts to science. Fat Eva was a plus size model and was famous for her beautiful hands. If you look closely at Grieb’s hands, you will notice that one is larger than the other. Grieb’s new hand grew acquainted with her body and soon she could return to a full life.
She was 46, had already travelled the world, trained fourteen miniature poodles (as show dogs) and written two crime novels. She did not mean to find trouble, trouble found her. In India she watched a snake charmer a little too closely. The cobra lifted up, jerked back and lunged forward to strike Grieb. Luckily she had great reflexes and jumped back, but not in time to save her pack which someone grabbed while she was distracted with the snake. Her passport, gun and money were all stolen. Grieb simply contacted the US embassy and was flown home on a government plane. She was resourceful that way.
I guess it was her innocent down home looks that made people attempt to take advantage of her but they never got far. Grieb grew up with a bother who later became a champion cage wrestler and she learned all the moves at an early age. She was also adept with a gun. Grieb could take care of herself.
Between adventures, Grieb sits in the garden and cooks up her next idea - her third crime book. In her mind she recalls her kidnapping in Brazil….this would be a great start to her first chapter.
The year was 1989 and Grieb was on her way to Mozambique. It was vast and beautiful there, but just her luck something happened while she was sunning on the beach. She was sprayed by the venom of the Black Spitting Scorpion - one of the most venomous species in Africa. The infection was so severe; it caused her to lose her hand. After a year of healing and rest, she was given a hand transplant. The donor was a woman named Fat Eva. She died a week earlier and donated organs and body parts to science. Fat Eva was a plus size model and was famous for her beautiful hands. If you look closely at Grieb’s hands, you will notice that one is larger than the other. Grieb’s new hand grew acquainted with her body and soon she could return to a full life.
She was 46, had already travelled the world, trained fourteen miniature poodles (as show dogs) and written two crime novels. She did not mean to find trouble, trouble found her. In India she watched a snake charmer a little too closely. The cobra lifted up, jerked back and lunged forward to strike Grieb. Luckily she had great reflexes and jumped back, but not in time to save her pack which someone grabbed while she was distracted with the snake. Her passport, gun and money were all stolen. Grieb simply contacted the US embassy and was flown home on a government plane. She was resourceful that way.
I guess it was her innocent down home looks that made people attempt to take advantage of her but they never got far. Grieb grew up with a bother who later became a champion cage wrestler and she learned all the moves at an early age. She was also adept with a gun. Grieb could take care of herself.
Between adventures, Grieb sits in the garden and cooks up her next idea - her third crime book. In her mind she recalls her kidnapping in Brazil….this would be a great start to her first chapter.
Grieb Gretch Explores A New Land
Grieb Gretch was getting bored.
Summer was over and she was starting to spend more time inside. Her birthday was coming up and she had no plans. Every year, a week before Grieb’s birthday, she would sit in her old green chair in the living room and become sullen. But this year it was going to be different! A new adventure was just the remedy for her dark mood. Grieb got out the map of the world, took out a push pin, and jabbed that pin into her next destination ………………it landed on Iceland! This was a place she had never been and she was excited and slightly more cheerful about the idea of an upcoming trip.
Grieb started researching and planning. Her first stop would be Reykjavik, the lively international hub of Iceland. Mind you, most of Iceland is made up of glaciers, lakes and lava fields. Grieb made a note to bring home a hunk of lava as a souvenir for her mantle.
Packing for this adventure was specific - warm weather gear, waterproof windbreaker, compass, passport, turban, some going-out outfits, and gum for her ears popping on the plane.
Everything was packed into a small, soft suitcase with shoulder straps so as not to interfere with her arms. Grieb loved to swing her arms as she walked. Her fat hand, which was a year old now, was working out fine - the operation had been a success and the hand now felt completely a part of her body. The fat hand was also extremely strong and Grieb loved to walk in a brisk manner and swing that powerhouse to keep it strong in case of trouble. She never looked for trouble, and she never looked like trouble, but trouble always managed to find her.
This year Grieb had decided it was the time to start looking for a companion. She had been alone all her life and wanted to experience life with someone by her side. She was determined to go out and bar hop in Reykjavik and practice talking to men. Grieb was not a flaunting peacock or even a natural beauty - she was beige with a solid build. At the very least Grieb could wear a bit of jewelry so she put on her silver skull necklace that she got in New Orleans…it was her signature piece and a good luck charm.
Grieb landed at the Keflavik International Airport and made a bee-line outside. She only had carry-on luggage and was ready to tackle Iceland. The air was chilly but crisp with a slight smell of old egg.
Grieb checked into her well-appointed hotel and took a long nap. She awoke hours later and got ready to go out for the evening. Dressed in her turban, flowered dress, lucky skull necklace, red striped tights, and sensible black shoes she was ready to encounter life and perhaps love. When Grieb made up her mind she was like a cannon ball hurling through the sky and landing with a thud on her determined target.
The bars were hopping and Grieb was hungry and ready for beer. Instead of a table Grieb opted for the bar area and sat herself down on a tall stool, ordered her drink and some food, and began looking around for potential males to chat with.
She did not care much about looks - she wanted a good talker with a brain and a winning smile.
Not two minutes after her beer arrived, a man in his late-forties/early-fifties sat down next to Grieb and said hello. “Hello“, Grieb said cautiously. The man introduced himself. “My name is Peter.“ Grieb introduced herself and shyly drank her beer. Peter ordered his beer. “I am a geothermal scientist and am in Iceland for research. I live in Norway.“ Grieb liked the look of him and told Peter she was on holiday. They started talking until another man sat down on the other side of Grieb and began talking. “Buy you a beer?” came a gruff voice came from next to her. She turned to the red faced man who had obviously had way too much to drink and said, “No thanks, I already have one!” The drunkard would not take no for an answer. He ordered a couple of beers and sloshed one right in front of Grieb. Peter came around the other side and spoke directly to the red faced man in a quiet calm tone.
Grieb could not believe that she had a man on either side of her trying to buy her drinks! Were men blind in Iceland? She had never garnered this much attention - or any attention at all! The conversation between the two men was getting heated…their voices were raised and fists were coming next! Grieb had to admit she liked this attention!
All of a sudden beer was flying and fists were flying! Grieb stood up, took out her pistol, and shot it into the air! The brawlers stopped, everything stopped, and all eyes were on Grieb Gretch - the pistol-packing, turbaned, orthopedic shoe-wearing grit of a gal. In the meantime the bouncer had cleared the bar of the fighting men and came over to talk with Grieb. “You are one tough mamma! You want a job?”
Grieb just grinned from ear to ear, had one more drink for the road, and went back to her hotel to dream of the two men who had fought over her.
The rest of the trip was pretty tame. She saw a lot of beautiful sights and even got a chunk of hardened lava to take home. All in all in was a great adventure, not too much trouble, and with just a little romance.
Grieb, confident and ready, for the first time believed in the possibility of finding love.
Summer was over and she was starting to spend more time inside. Her birthday was coming up and she had no plans. Every year, a week before Grieb’s birthday, she would sit in her old green chair in the living room and become sullen. But this year it was going to be different! A new adventure was just the remedy for her dark mood. Grieb got out the map of the world, took out a push pin, and jabbed that pin into her next destination ………………it landed on Iceland! This was a place she had never been and she was excited and slightly more cheerful about the idea of an upcoming trip.
Grieb started researching and planning. Her first stop would be Reykjavik, the lively international hub of Iceland. Mind you, most of Iceland is made up of glaciers, lakes and lava fields. Grieb made a note to bring home a hunk of lava as a souvenir for her mantle.
Packing for this adventure was specific - warm weather gear, waterproof windbreaker, compass, passport, turban, some going-out outfits, and gum for her ears popping on the plane.
Everything was packed into a small, soft suitcase with shoulder straps so as not to interfere with her arms. Grieb loved to swing her arms as she walked. Her fat hand, which was a year old now, was working out fine - the operation had been a success and the hand now felt completely a part of her body. The fat hand was also extremely strong and Grieb loved to walk in a brisk manner and swing that powerhouse to keep it strong in case of trouble. She never looked for trouble, and she never looked like trouble, but trouble always managed to find her.
This year Grieb had decided it was the time to start looking for a companion. She had been alone all her life and wanted to experience life with someone by her side. She was determined to go out and bar hop in Reykjavik and practice talking to men. Grieb was not a flaunting peacock or even a natural beauty - she was beige with a solid build. At the very least Grieb could wear a bit of jewelry so she put on her silver skull necklace that she got in New Orleans…it was her signature piece and a good luck charm.
Grieb landed at the Keflavik International Airport and made a bee-line outside. She only had carry-on luggage and was ready to tackle Iceland. The air was chilly but crisp with a slight smell of old egg.
Grieb checked into her well-appointed hotel and took a long nap. She awoke hours later and got ready to go out for the evening. Dressed in her turban, flowered dress, lucky skull necklace, red striped tights, and sensible black shoes she was ready to encounter life and perhaps love. When Grieb made up her mind she was like a cannon ball hurling through the sky and landing with a thud on her determined target.
The bars were hopping and Grieb was hungry and ready for beer. Instead of a table Grieb opted for the bar area and sat herself down on a tall stool, ordered her drink and some food, and began looking around for potential males to chat with.
She did not care much about looks - she wanted a good talker with a brain and a winning smile.
Not two minutes after her beer arrived, a man in his late-forties/early-fifties sat down next to Grieb and said hello. “Hello“, Grieb said cautiously. The man introduced himself. “My name is Peter.“ Grieb introduced herself and shyly drank her beer. Peter ordered his beer. “I am a geothermal scientist and am in Iceland for research. I live in Norway.“ Grieb liked the look of him and told Peter she was on holiday. They started talking until another man sat down on the other side of Grieb and began talking. “Buy you a beer?” came a gruff voice came from next to her. She turned to the red faced man who had obviously had way too much to drink and said, “No thanks, I already have one!” The drunkard would not take no for an answer. He ordered a couple of beers and sloshed one right in front of Grieb. Peter came around the other side and spoke directly to the red faced man in a quiet calm tone.
Grieb could not believe that she had a man on either side of her trying to buy her drinks! Were men blind in Iceland? She had never garnered this much attention - or any attention at all! The conversation between the two men was getting heated…their voices were raised and fists were coming next! Grieb had to admit she liked this attention!
All of a sudden beer was flying and fists were flying! Grieb stood up, took out her pistol, and shot it into the air! The brawlers stopped, everything stopped, and all eyes were on Grieb Gretch - the pistol-packing, turbaned, orthopedic shoe-wearing grit of a gal. In the meantime the bouncer had cleared the bar of the fighting men and came over to talk with Grieb. “You are one tough mamma! You want a job?”
Grieb just grinned from ear to ear, had one more drink for the road, and went back to her hotel to dream of the two men who had fought over her.
The rest of the trip was pretty tame. She saw a lot of beautiful sights and even got a chunk of hardened lava to take home. All in all in was a great adventure, not too much trouble, and with just a little romance.
Grieb, confident and ready, for the first time believed in the possibility of finding love.
Riding Lobo
The crowd went wild yelling “Bravo, bravo…” Sorina knew that everyone in that audience was there to see her and she felt proud and happy to be back in Romania. Sorina was born in Texas, but soon after she was born her family moved back to Romania where they rejoined the circus. Her parents were trapeze artists and after doing a stint in a small circus in Austin Texas, they realized that they missed their homeland very much and moved back to be with the rest of their family.
Sorina was very young when she learned to ride bareback. In the Austin circus there were many horses to practice with. However, Romania was a different story. There they rode giant wolves and any rider who could manage to ride one was idolized. So at the age of thirteen, Sorina learned to ride the lobo. She became the most skilled at this talent and her audiences were massive. The circus tent was packed every time she performed. Her costumes became more extravagant and she wore long black false eyelashes and bright red fingernail polish. She had sequined cat suits of red and black and as she grew up, she became the most famous bareback rider in the land.
Sorina rode wolves late into her seventies until she died of influenza. She was buried in the family plot. A larger than life size marble statue of Sorina riding a lobo is in the cemetery to this day. Fans still pay respect and leave red roses at her grave.
The crowd went wild yelling “Bravo, bravo…” Sorina knew that everyone in that audience was there to see her and she felt proud and happy to be back in Romania. Sorina was born in Texas, but soon after she was born her family moved back to Romania where they rejoined the circus. Her parents were trapeze artists and after doing a stint in a small circus in Austin Texas, they realized that they missed their homeland very much and moved back to be with the rest of their family.
Sorina was very young when she learned to ride bareback. In the Austin circus there were many horses to practice with. However, Romania was a different story. There they rode giant wolves and any rider who could manage to ride one was idolized. So at the age of thirteen, Sorina learned to ride the lobo. She became the most skilled at this talent and her audiences were massive. The circus tent was packed every time she performed. Her costumes became more extravagant and she wore long black false eyelashes and bright red fingernail polish. She had sequined cat suits of red and black and as she grew up, she became the most famous bareback rider in the land.
Sorina rode wolves late into her seventies until she died of influenza. She was buried in the family plot. A larger than life size marble statue of Sorina riding a lobo is in the cemetery to this day. Fans still pay respect and leave red roses at her grave.
The River of Trees
Many many years ago in the Romanian village of Maramures, there was a kind couple living a contented life. They were very happy and were celebrating the birth of their first child - a girl they named Banja. The whole town celebrated with a parade of flowers and a feast. Everyone participated except Eugenia the witch; she just stayed by the fire in her dark home seething with jealousy.
Eugenia was very beautiful and had many lovers but if they crossed her she would turn them into air, a breathing ball of kinesthetic energy, not living but not dead. Many a lover fell to this demise. This witch never bothered couples. That’s not to say she wasn’t jealous of them, but this pair was too happy. Eugenia wanted a child herself, but I’m sure the only reason was that she wanted a slave to clean, cook and to lure men to her.
Later that evening when all the festivities were over, Eugenia crept into the couple’s home and put her spell on them. They were sleeping soundly when all of a sudden they felt light, see-through and charged. The couple left their marital bed and discovered that they could only float and hover, but they could not touch Banja for they had become inert. Eugenia took Banja away to her hovel and to this day Banja remains in the care of the witch. Her parents can only look in on her, but no communication is possible. In this painting, they travel quietly by moonlight, a smooth buzz of energy as they slip through the trees. With only a vine to guide their way, they snake and slither around over bracken and branches.
They had always been a couple and so they stayed intertwined in life and now in this transformed state, an opaque mass of see-through soul.
Many many years ago in the Romanian village of Maramures, there was a kind couple living a contented life. They were very happy and were celebrating the birth of their first child - a girl they named Banja. The whole town celebrated with a parade of flowers and a feast. Everyone participated except Eugenia the witch; she just stayed by the fire in her dark home seething with jealousy.
Eugenia was very beautiful and had many lovers but if they crossed her she would turn them into air, a breathing ball of kinesthetic energy, not living but not dead. Many a lover fell to this demise. This witch never bothered couples. That’s not to say she wasn’t jealous of them, but this pair was too happy. Eugenia wanted a child herself, but I’m sure the only reason was that she wanted a slave to clean, cook and to lure men to her.
Later that evening when all the festivities were over, Eugenia crept into the couple’s home and put her spell on them. They were sleeping soundly when all of a sudden they felt light, see-through and charged. The couple left their marital bed and discovered that they could only float and hover, but they could not touch Banja for they had become inert. Eugenia took Banja away to her hovel and to this day Banja remains in the care of the witch. Her parents can only look in on her, but no communication is possible. In this painting, they travel quietly by moonlight, a smooth buzz of energy as they slip through the trees. With only a vine to guide their way, they snake and slither around over bracken and branches.
They had always been a couple and so they stayed intertwined in life and now in this transformed state, an opaque mass of see-through soul.
She Wanted It All
She always looked fantastic. Even as a child, people would admire her curly brown hair, hazel eyes and the smile, a grin of such proportions and such impact, it was sweetness with a pitchfork. The smile could get her anything. Early on, it was candy or a new pair of Mary Janes, but as she turned into a lanky teen, her desires progressed. Then it was a pink transistor radio, rose shaped hair clips, and a new daisy patterned nylon bedspread. The wants did not stop there. She was also very selective about what foods she liked. Her tastes were so precocious that when her family would go out for a nice dinner, she would order Lobster Thermador, Croque monsieur or some other fussy entrée while the rest of the family would have burgers or chicken. No one dared tease her or she would throw a fit and cause everyone to stare horrified. It would be a tantrum so loud the wait staff would hide in the kitchen. She always got her way, so when she started dating and met the captain of the debate team, that was it. He was the one - she was going to have a husband and he was the target.
They married in a beautiful garden decorated with orange Gerber daisies strewn everywhere. The wedding was picture perfect. They ate Bouillabaisse, Ceasar salad, and had a four tier cake decorated entirely of Jordan almonds. It was a happy celebration and her parents were especially pleased to turn their daughter over as she was becoming more and more impossible.
Little did they know that the wedding night was the eve of a disaster. They left the party as happy husband and wife. In her light blue raw silk suit and matching Jackie O pill box hat, she looked divine. She was ready for her honeymoon. Next stop Tahiti!
They arrived many hours later and it was warm, very warm. They got to their beautiful hotel and she began to read the guest book. She loved the guest book. As she was reviewing the room service menu , the layout, and special information, one thing struck her as strange. It was a warning…….it said “Enjoy your stay, but please do not touch any of the drift wood on the shore. It has a curse. Just avoid it and your holiday will be secure.” Secure? That was odd. Being stubborn, curious and never one to obey warnings, she made plans to investigate. Late that night when her husband was sound asleep, she went to the beach. She collected all the drift wood that she could hold. It was beautiful - polished by the sea with striations of color running through the grain .
The next morning, her husband awoke alone! He began looking for her everywhere and eventually found himself scouring the beach for signs of his wife. What a beach! There was driftwood everywhere and at the far end of shore he saw what looked like a very small wooden figure. “The Warning! - she did not heed the Warning “, cried a hotel staff member running to the scene. “There is no way to undo this!”
He left the next morning, a widower on the first day of his honeymoon. She was the most beautiful and most difficult woman he had ever met - perhaps this happened for a reason. To this day she remains on his dresser. A wooden woman that wanted it all.
She always looked fantastic. Even as a child, people would admire her curly brown hair, hazel eyes and the smile, a grin of such proportions and such impact, it was sweetness with a pitchfork. The smile could get her anything. Early on, it was candy or a new pair of Mary Janes, but as she turned into a lanky teen, her desires progressed. Then it was a pink transistor radio, rose shaped hair clips, and a new daisy patterned nylon bedspread. The wants did not stop there. She was also very selective about what foods she liked. Her tastes were so precocious that when her family would go out for a nice dinner, she would order Lobster Thermador, Croque monsieur or some other fussy entrée while the rest of the family would have burgers or chicken. No one dared tease her or she would throw a fit and cause everyone to stare horrified. It would be a tantrum so loud the wait staff would hide in the kitchen. She always got her way, so when she started dating and met the captain of the debate team, that was it. He was the one - she was going to have a husband and he was the target.
They married in a beautiful garden decorated with orange Gerber daisies strewn everywhere. The wedding was picture perfect. They ate Bouillabaisse, Ceasar salad, and had a four tier cake decorated entirely of Jordan almonds. It was a happy celebration and her parents were especially pleased to turn their daughter over as she was becoming more and more impossible.
Little did they know that the wedding night was the eve of a disaster. They left the party as happy husband and wife. In her light blue raw silk suit and matching Jackie O pill box hat, she looked divine. She was ready for her honeymoon. Next stop Tahiti!
They arrived many hours later and it was warm, very warm. They got to their beautiful hotel and she began to read the guest book. She loved the guest book. As she was reviewing the room service menu , the layout, and special information, one thing struck her as strange. It was a warning…….it said “Enjoy your stay, but please do not touch any of the drift wood on the shore. It has a curse. Just avoid it and your holiday will be secure.” Secure? That was odd. Being stubborn, curious and never one to obey warnings, she made plans to investigate. Late that night when her husband was sound asleep, she went to the beach. She collected all the drift wood that she could hold. It was beautiful - polished by the sea with striations of color running through the grain .
The next morning, her husband awoke alone! He began looking for her everywhere and eventually found himself scouring the beach for signs of his wife. What a beach! There was driftwood everywhere and at the far end of shore he saw what looked like a very small wooden figure. “The Warning! - she did not heed the Warning “, cried a hotel staff member running to the scene. “There is no way to undo this!”
He left the next morning, a widower on the first day of his honeymoon. She was the most beautiful and most difficult woman he had ever met - perhaps this happened for a reason. To this day she remains on his dresser. A wooden woman that wanted it all.
Prison Time For Emma Mae and Her Artistic Ways
The days grew shorter and darker; the rain wet down the ground and the wind re-arranged the landscape. Emma Mae sat on her sofa and looked out the window at the dark winter sky. Emma Mae was an artist and loved the winter. It motivated her to work on art, stay inside and be creative. As the winter progressed she began more and more projects.
Emma was an innovative artist and extremely skilled. Emma’s father was a carpenter by trade and she watched and learned from him. She learned how to build things with care and precision and was mathematically wise beyond her years. She could work out any crevice, corner or angle. For instance, Emma Mae’s niece Tandy wanted a doll house. Her parents could not afford such a childhood extravagance so Emma Mae, being the good aunt, built a very nice mid century modern A frame doll house for Tandy. The doll house was the last sensible thing that Emma Mae built! When Emma purchased her first house that is when all the trouble began.
Emma Mae loved wind chimes, but not your typical chimes. She liked them loud. Emma Mae’s wind chimes sounded like Harleys, car horns, doorbells, jack hammers, dentist drills and Skil saws. The chimes themselves looked beautiful and harmless enough. Nice hardwoods with rice paper patterns lacquered into them delicately tied together by clear fishing line, but when these angled pieces of wood collided, the sound was so jarring it sounded like an entire metropolitan city at lunch time. Emma Mae lived in a quiet rural setting and this did not go over well with the neighbors. Every winter the wind would blow and the wind chimes would rage with a chaotic symphony of sound, Emma Mae thought it was soothing, she was hard of hearing in one ear so she liked everything loud. The neighbors would ask Emma Mae politely to remove the wind chimes and she pretended not to hear them. A complaint was filed and still Emma Mae continued to make more and more chimes, her newest ones sounded like a lawn mower and a leaf blower. The neighborhood had had enough, Emma Mae was arrested and put into jail for not cooperating with the police, and she continued to refuse the removal of her beloved wind chimes. For the last two years Emma Mae has lived in the Warburten women’s correctional prison.
She is still building her wind chimes but now she has an appreciative audience. Every other Sunday the women are allowed to see their families and they all assemble in the auditorium to hear the newest wind chime concert conducted by Emma Mae and her assistants. Apparently “Sound Now “ magazine will be interviewing her next month and Public Television just finished a feature to be aired next year. In the meantime, Emma Mae is working on some new chimes that sound like snoring, throat clearing and nose blowing, sounds that would make a mother cry, but to Emma Mae they are an auditory paradise.
The days grew shorter and darker; the rain wet down the ground and the wind re-arranged the landscape. Emma Mae sat on her sofa and looked out the window at the dark winter sky. Emma Mae was an artist and loved the winter. It motivated her to work on art, stay inside and be creative. As the winter progressed she began more and more projects.
Emma was an innovative artist and extremely skilled. Emma’s father was a carpenter by trade and she watched and learned from him. She learned how to build things with care and precision and was mathematically wise beyond her years. She could work out any crevice, corner or angle. For instance, Emma Mae’s niece Tandy wanted a doll house. Her parents could not afford such a childhood extravagance so Emma Mae, being the good aunt, built a very nice mid century modern A frame doll house for Tandy. The doll house was the last sensible thing that Emma Mae built! When Emma purchased her first house that is when all the trouble began.
Emma Mae loved wind chimes, but not your typical chimes. She liked them loud. Emma Mae’s wind chimes sounded like Harleys, car horns, doorbells, jack hammers, dentist drills and Skil saws. The chimes themselves looked beautiful and harmless enough. Nice hardwoods with rice paper patterns lacquered into them delicately tied together by clear fishing line, but when these angled pieces of wood collided, the sound was so jarring it sounded like an entire metropolitan city at lunch time. Emma Mae lived in a quiet rural setting and this did not go over well with the neighbors. Every winter the wind would blow and the wind chimes would rage with a chaotic symphony of sound, Emma Mae thought it was soothing, she was hard of hearing in one ear so she liked everything loud. The neighbors would ask Emma Mae politely to remove the wind chimes and she pretended not to hear them. A complaint was filed and still Emma Mae continued to make more and more chimes, her newest ones sounded like a lawn mower and a leaf blower. The neighborhood had had enough, Emma Mae was arrested and put into jail for not cooperating with the police, and she continued to refuse the removal of her beloved wind chimes. For the last two years Emma Mae has lived in the Warburten women’s correctional prison.
She is still building her wind chimes but now she has an appreciative audience. Every other Sunday the women are allowed to see their families and they all assemble in the auditorium to hear the newest wind chime concert conducted by Emma Mae and her assistants. Apparently “Sound Now “ magazine will be interviewing her next month and Public Television just finished a feature to be aired next year. In the meantime, Emma Mae is working on some new chimes that sound like snoring, throat clearing and nose blowing, sounds that would make a mother cry, but to Emma Mae they are an auditory paradise.
Asleep In Mexico
My circumstances are strange. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would end up in Loreto Mexico living in a small casa, playing guitar and drinking shots of Tequila with beer. I am from a small town in Pennsylvania. I had never left the state until the age of twenty and you could say that I have had a naive view of the world.
All that changed when I met Manuel. I was an insurance agent at a conference - my first time out of state! One evening after a rather boring presentation on family insurance, I went to the dining room of my hotel and sat down to order dinner. I looked up from the menu and saw this starched and pressed waiter with curly black hair and dark eyes smiling at me and waiting to take my order. He was immensely charming and asked me to have a drink with him when he got off work that evening. Now remember I was naïve and of course I agreed. We met later that evening and drank and talked about our lives. Manuel was from Loreto, Mexico and came to the states to work to help out his family. Now we really had no romantic connection that I could pick up on. He was handsome and all but I was no slouch myself. It was possible we had a little spark!
Manuel began to tell me about his town and the wonderful food and music. He told me that I was stunning and should be on stage and I of course was flattered. I began to toy with the idea of a new career - the insurance world did not suit me whatsoever . I would make a great actress and Manuel told me of this fantastic acting school run by his cousin in Mexico. All I had to do was give him a deposit which he would send on to his cousin and before I was to leave send the rest of the tuition and my spot for school would be saved. I was very excited about this new prospect. I gave Manuel a check that night, called my parents and told them I was leaving for Loreto at the end of the month. I began to get all my things in order so I could start my new carrier as a fledgling actress.
I got to Mexico without a hitch and Juan (Manuel’s cousin) met me at the airport and drove me to the school. I know - there actually was an acting academy! The school was a rundown elementary school. Even the desks were small and though I am rather tall, I would make do. This was just the first problem. All my teachers spoke Spanish and all the students were American women as vain as I was. They had all been lured by the false flattering Manuel who also promised to get us jobs in the telenovelas!
I didn’t even bring much money, I spent most of it for this school where I could not even speak the language and I was surrounded by this cluster of semi attractive women in the same misfortunate situation! I was ready to make the best of it; I began Spanish lessons so I could learn from my teachers. After several months Manuel returned and walked into the Cantina where I worked as a waitress. He started setting up for the evening entertainment. He was a singer in a Mariachi band called “Fresco Diablo” and he was the singer. That night I fell in love with Manuel and his gypsy ways.
Once in awhile we would run into one of the many women that Manuel had swindled, they would scowl, spit or even slap Manuel in the face, it was a common occurrence. I decided to give up acting and learn guitar. Manuel said when I improved I could join the band! So here I am in a romance with a dishonest man, drinking too much and living in this heavy hot place as if in a dream. Asleep in Mexico.
My circumstances are strange. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would end up in Loreto Mexico living in a small casa, playing guitar and drinking shots of Tequila with beer. I am from a small town in Pennsylvania. I had never left the state until the age of twenty and you could say that I have had a naive view of the world.
All that changed when I met Manuel. I was an insurance agent at a conference - my first time out of state! One evening after a rather boring presentation on family insurance, I went to the dining room of my hotel and sat down to order dinner. I looked up from the menu and saw this starched and pressed waiter with curly black hair and dark eyes smiling at me and waiting to take my order. He was immensely charming and asked me to have a drink with him when he got off work that evening. Now remember I was naïve and of course I agreed. We met later that evening and drank and talked about our lives. Manuel was from Loreto, Mexico and came to the states to work to help out his family. Now we really had no romantic connection that I could pick up on. He was handsome and all but I was no slouch myself. It was possible we had a little spark!
Manuel began to tell me about his town and the wonderful food and music. He told me that I was stunning and should be on stage and I of course was flattered. I began to toy with the idea of a new career - the insurance world did not suit me whatsoever . I would make a great actress and Manuel told me of this fantastic acting school run by his cousin in Mexico. All I had to do was give him a deposit which he would send on to his cousin and before I was to leave send the rest of the tuition and my spot for school would be saved. I was very excited about this new prospect. I gave Manuel a check that night, called my parents and told them I was leaving for Loreto at the end of the month. I began to get all my things in order so I could start my new carrier as a fledgling actress.
I got to Mexico without a hitch and Juan (Manuel’s cousin) met me at the airport and drove me to the school. I know - there actually was an acting academy! The school was a rundown elementary school. Even the desks were small and though I am rather tall, I would make do. This was just the first problem. All my teachers spoke Spanish and all the students were American women as vain as I was. They had all been lured by the false flattering Manuel who also promised to get us jobs in the telenovelas!
I didn’t even bring much money, I spent most of it for this school where I could not even speak the language and I was surrounded by this cluster of semi attractive women in the same misfortunate situation! I was ready to make the best of it; I began Spanish lessons so I could learn from my teachers. After several months Manuel returned and walked into the Cantina where I worked as a waitress. He started setting up for the evening entertainment. He was a singer in a Mariachi band called “Fresco Diablo” and he was the singer. That night I fell in love with Manuel and his gypsy ways.
Once in awhile we would run into one of the many women that Manuel had swindled, they would scowl, spit or even slap Manuel in the face, it was a common occurrence. I decided to give up acting and learn guitar. Manuel said when I improved I could join the band! So here I am in a romance with a dishonest man, drinking too much and living in this heavy hot place as if in a dream. Asleep in Mexico.
Fall is a Heartbreaker
Abby disliked the winter so much that she went to great lengths to disguise the season. Her home was full of flowers year round and pictures of Hawaii on every wall. Her furniture was comprised of lawn chairs and aluminum loungers made of strapped plastic. Buckets of sand were strategically placed around the house and little water features trickled calmly in each room of the house.
Abby even went so far as to have special lighting installed so her home would be extra sunny. It was an extreme home but Abby never did anything half way…it was all or nothing for her so the environment she lived in was very important.
At the end of every summer Abby would throw a garden party with several of her close friends; it was a way for her to mentally prepare for the changing season - in her eyes fall was just a band-aid on winter…a season of crisp dead leaves and cool air.
At the garden party she would repeat this as if it were her mournful mantra, “Fall is a heartbreaker “. She would then return to drinking her gin and tonic with key lime and pretend that summer was never ending.
Abby should have lived in sunnier climes but she chose the Northwest or it chose her. A native of Bakersfield, California and the best speller in her seventh grade class, she travelled to Seattle for a spelling bee against another class. Abby was in a national competition and if she won this spelling meet she would go on to the finals in New York!
At the spelling bee she met Walt. Walt was on the opposing team and Abby could not take her eyes off him. He was tall with brown curly hair, glasses, and a Roman nose. She was smitten!
Abby was so distracted by the look of Walt, she lost the meet. He must have felt a little taken with her as well, as he too stumbled on his spelling.
After the meet they talked a little and exchanged phone numbers! The rest is history. The two wrote letters once a week and talked on the phone on Sundays. After high school they married and Abby ended up living in the North West with dark days and lots of rain.
Walt tried to make her happy. He built a greenhouse and grew lemon trees and white blooming Camellias.
For Sunday lunch he would turn the heat up so it was super hot. The table would be set in the greenhouse with ice cold lemonade, chilled Waldorf salad, and ice cream sundaes for dessert. Still, Abby would look outside the greenhouse windows, see winter, hear the rain, and feel more and more dismal.
This year Walt decided to get creative so on Thanksgiving he invited all Abby’s close friends and their family for a feast in the greenhouse. This was not the traditional meal you would have on Thanksgiving. The first course was green salad with mandarin orange slices; the main course was barbecued salmon with garlic, fresh dill, and white truffle oil; for desert…Key lime pie.
Now Abby noticed there was a platform in the corner of the greenhouse and when dinner was over Walt asked everyone to bring their chairs to the stage and wait for the show! Walt disappeared behind the makeshift curtain and the music began!
A few minutes later Walt appeared wearing a costume made entirely of Watermelon! He wore a scooped out watermelon hat and a suit with a tie! His shoes were so large they looked like they belonged to a clown! The audience roared and Abby just grinned shyly with her hand over her mouth!
Walt took a bow and again disappeared behind the curtain! A few minutes later he marched out wearing a costume made of Saltines! This was fantastic and silly! Saltines were Walt’s favorite and Abby was surprised that Walt would sacrifice his crunchy snack. The construction was superb…Walt had stitched together the Saltines in rows attaching them by the little holes in each cracker, and it was a handsome edible suit. Abby loved that Walt had gone to so much trouble to cheer her up but she was still in her vortex of sad and nothing Walt did would lift this gloom .
Something had to be done. Walt had to make a rash decision. A few days after Thanksgiving he began research and decided the only thing left to do was to move to a sunnier climate. Abby grew up in California so that would be a good place to start. Walt has always wanted to live in LA. He was an engineer but had always wanted to pursue costume design and LA would be the place.
That night Walt told Abby over dinner his plans to re-locate them. Abby was hesitant at first. “What about my friends, our house, our family?” Walt gave Abby the positive points of moving. “You will be in a sunny place, your parents are still in Bakersfield, and at least we will be in the same state! No more greenhouse! You can have a lovely tropical outside garden and a pool!”
Abby thought about this transition long and hard and agreed with Walt that this was a good move.
Walt travelled to LA and scouted out a place to live. He found a beautiful cottage-style home and was able to rent it with intention to buy later in the year.
Several months later after the house sold in Seattle the couple made their move to Los Angeles.
Abby loved her new home and felt much more content in a sunnier climate. She was impressed with her husbands decisions and this motivated her to begin a new hobby…taxidermy. She would read in detail about Victorian taxidermy and how in those times pets were preserved and set around the house as part of the décor and an endearing memory…or in some people’s eyes, a grotesque and cruel act. But not Abby. She loved the idea of preservation and was determined to give all her taxidermy projects toothy smiles.
Life became very interesting for the couple with Walt attending classes to become a costume designer and Abby attending Taxidermy school. They spent their evenings sitting on the patio at night eating dinner and enjoying beautiful sunsets and warm weather.
For the first time in Abby’s life she felt truly happy. A new life was like a new suit made of the finest wool and Abby’s suit fit perfectly.
Abby disliked the winter so much that she went to great lengths to disguise the season. Her home was full of flowers year round and pictures of Hawaii on every wall. Her furniture was comprised of lawn chairs and aluminum loungers made of strapped plastic. Buckets of sand were strategically placed around the house and little water features trickled calmly in each room of the house.
Abby even went so far as to have special lighting installed so her home would be extra sunny. It was an extreme home but Abby never did anything half way…it was all or nothing for her so the environment she lived in was very important.
At the end of every summer Abby would throw a garden party with several of her close friends; it was a way for her to mentally prepare for the changing season - in her eyes fall was just a band-aid on winter…a season of crisp dead leaves and cool air.
At the garden party she would repeat this as if it were her mournful mantra, “Fall is a heartbreaker “. She would then return to drinking her gin and tonic with key lime and pretend that summer was never ending.
Abby should have lived in sunnier climes but she chose the Northwest or it chose her. A native of Bakersfield, California and the best speller in her seventh grade class, she travelled to Seattle for a spelling bee against another class. Abby was in a national competition and if she won this spelling meet she would go on to the finals in New York!
At the spelling bee she met Walt. Walt was on the opposing team and Abby could not take her eyes off him. He was tall with brown curly hair, glasses, and a Roman nose. She was smitten!
Abby was so distracted by the look of Walt, she lost the meet. He must have felt a little taken with her as well, as he too stumbled on his spelling.
After the meet they talked a little and exchanged phone numbers! The rest is history. The two wrote letters once a week and talked on the phone on Sundays. After high school they married and Abby ended up living in the North West with dark days and lots of rain.
Walt tried to make her happy. He built a greenhouse and grew lemon trees and white blooming Camellias.
For Sunday lunch he would turn the heat up so it was super hot. The table would be set in the greenhouse with ice cold lemonade, chilled Waldorf salad, and ice cream sundaes for dessert. Still, Abby would look outside the greenhouse windows, see winter, hear the rain, and feel more and more dismal.
This year Walt decided to get creative so on Thanksgiving he invited all Abby’s close friends and their family for a feast in the greenhouse. This was not the traditional meal you would have on Thanksgiving. The first course was green salad with mandarin orange slices; the main course was barbecued salmon with garlic, fresh dill, and white truffle oil; for desert…Key lime pie.
Now Abby noticed there was a platform in the corner of the greenhouse and when dinner was over Walt asked everyone to bring their chairs to the stage and wait for the show! Walt disappeared behind the makeshift curtain and the music began!
A few minutes later Walt appeared wearing a costume made entirely of Watermelon! He wore a scooped out watermelon hat and a suit with a tie! His shoes were so large they looked like they belonged to a clown! The audience roared and Abby just grinned shyly with her hand over her mouth!
Walt took a bow and again disappeared behind the curtain! A few minutes later he marched out wearing a costume made of Saltines! This was fantastic and silly! Saltines were Walt’s favorite and Abby was surprised that Walt would sacrifice his crunchy snack. The construction was superb…Walt had stitched together the Saltines in rows attaching them by the little holes in each cracker, and it was a handsome edible suit. Abby loved that Walt had gone to so much trouble to cheer her up but she was still in her vortex of sad and nothing Walt did would lift this gloom .
Something had to be done. Walt had to make a rash decision. A few days after Thanksgiving he began research and decided the only thing left to do was to move to a sunnier climate. Abby grew up in California so that would be a good place to start. Walt has always wanted to live in LA. He was an engineer but had always wanted to pursue costume design and LA would be the place.
That night Walt told Abby over dinner his plans to re-locate them. Abby was hesitant at first. “What about my friends, our house, our family?” Walt gave Abby the positive points of moving. “You will be in a sunny place, your parents are still in Bakersfield, and at least we will be in the same state! No more greenhouse! You can have a lovely tropical outside garden and a pool!”
Abby thought about this transition long and hard and agreed with Walt that this was a good move.
Walt travelled to LA and scouted out a place to live. He found a beautiful cottage-style home and was able to rent it with intention to buy later in the year.
Several months later after the house sold in Seattle the couple made their move to Los Angeles.
Abby loved her new home and felt much more content in a sunnier climate. She was impressed with her husbands decisions and this motivated her to begin a new hobby…taxidermy. She would read in detail about Victorian taxidermy and how in those times pets were preserved and set around the house as part of the décor and an endearing memory…or in some people’s eyes, a grotesque and cruel act. But not Abby. She loved the idea of preservation and was determined to give all her taxidermy projects toothy smiles.
Life became very interesting for the couple with Walt attending classes to become a costume designer and Abby attending Taxidermy school. They spent their evenings sitting on the patio at night eating dinner and enjoying beautiful sunsets and warm weather.
For the first time in Abby’s life she felt truly happy. A new life was like a new suit made of the finest wool and Abby’s suit fit perfectly.
My Encounter With Chef Bronsnamiel and His Mysterious Ways
The first time I met Chef Brosnamiel was on my porch. I was not aware of the fact that my visitor had arrived - my cats were silent in their greetings and I thought I was alone with my work.
The painting I was working on that morning was becoming a struggle. Time for a break. A cup of tea and a look around the house…sometimes this helped when a painting went into stall mode.
I went outside and sitting on the porch was Chef Brosnamiel! I recognized him by his costume. He was just looking at a piece of driftwood as if in a trance, but I knew better, I was aware of the kitchen berating that was about to begin.
Chef Brosnamiel always dressed in disguise; I read many an article in "Gourmet" magazine about the great man and his eclectic ways. He was a secret Chef who was hired privately to come into the kitchens of household cooks and refit their kitchens with fresh herbs and spices, rearrange the pots and pans, and restock the larder with the staples of a prideful pantry.
A chef was a luxury only the very wealthy could afford. I was able to hire this kitchen maestro because I had just come into a large sum of money from an inheritance and it was burning a hole in my pocket. I needed an extravagance and this was just the thing - a mystery chef in my home! I like to cook but it is not my strongest skill. My guest was dressed in outlandish Halloweenesque attire. I did notice that the sheet he wore was a very fine Pima cotton - crisp, clean and white. He wore a wooden mask which looked like a sheep with big intense eyes, drooped and pointed ears, and a set of wooden hands.
I knew the chef had a phobia about germs. There was a stipulation in the contract which stated the chef would never touch anything. I was required to sign off on that demand and I, of course, complied.
Chef Brosnamiel did not speak English so when it was time to go to the kitchen he summoned his interpreter.
The first thing that happened was the chef changed his sheet to a mid-brown color and changed his wooden hands to a much broader set. I was not allowed to watch the costume change. The tall amorphously sheeted man began his inspection of my kitchen ordering me (via his interpreter) to empty out all the herbs and spices into the trash.
I did as I was told and we went on to the next task. Everything was omitted from the pantry. He explained that a fresh slate was required in order to obtain flavor and optimum essence in cooking. He moved on to the pots and pans and spent a long time gazing at them. I was sure that he would have me throw out every last one of my old war-wounded pots and my less seasoned pans.
Many minutes later he looked up and explained his slow inspection (via the interpreter). "These are quality cooking vessels but they must be seasoned and not used at high temperatures. Your kitchen equipment is like your hands; they must be moisturized and used with care. The soul of the food is in the hands of this cookware and everything must be combined with care and passion otherwise the result will be gruel."
He taught me to season my cookware and store it properly; we bought fresh herbs and re-stocked the pantry with only the best tinned tomatoes, Spanish olive oil, fine Italian dried pasta, White Truffle oil, salt cured capers, Mexican vanilla, and fragrant Basmati rice.
My kitchen was becoming a cooking haven! I was happy about this but mostly I was curious what Chef Brosnamiel looked like under that sheet and mask
I paid for this service and was not going to be intimidated by this grandiose chef! So as he was preparing to leave I tugged at the sheet and pulled it off! Chef Brosnamiel was a woman!!! A frumpy, middle-aged woman! She pulled off her mask and bristled out the door muttering "merde" under her breath with the interpreter scuttling behind her. Off they went - speeding away in their white Town car.
I decided to keep this a secret, a woman chef posing as a man. I needn’t ruin her reputation, I was happy to know the truth, besides the chef refunded my entire rental purchase! I had no hard feelings.
Several months later I read an article in the New York Times about Chef Brosnamiel. The chef had admitted she was a woman, she was moving back to France to start her own cooking school and Bistro, it will be a themed restaurant and all the wait staff will be wearing the costumes worn by the Chef throughout the years. Wait staff serving soup in sheets! I need to plan a trip to France!
The first time I met Chef Brosnamiel was on my porch. I was not aware of the fact that my visitor had arrived - my cats were silent in their greetings and I thought I was alone with my work.
The painting I was working on that morning was becoming a struggle. Time for a break. A cup of tea and a look around the house…sometimes this helped when a painting went into stall mode.
I went outside and sitting on the porch was Chef Brosnamiel! I recognized him by his costume. He was just looking at a piece of driftwood as if in a trance, but I knew better, I was aware of the kitchen berating that was about to begin.
Chef Brosnamiel always dressed in disguise; I read many an article in "Gourmet" magazine about the great man and his eclectic ways. He was a secret Chef who was hired privately to come into the kitchens of household cooks and refit their kitchens with fresh herbs and spices, rearrange the pots and pans, and restock the larder with the staples of a prideful pantry.
A chef was a luxury only the very wealthy could afford. I was able to hire this kitchen maestro because I had just come into a large sum of money from an inheritance and it was burning a hole in my pocket. I needed an extravagance and this was just the thing - a mystery chef in my home! I like to cook but it is not my strongest skill. My guest was dressed in outlandish Halloweenesque attire. I did notice that the sheet he wore was a very fine Pima cotton - crisp, clean and white. He wore a wooden mask which looked like a sheep with big intense eyes, drooped and pointed ears, and a set of wooden hands.
I knew the chef had a phobia about germs. There was a stipulation in the contract which stated the chef would never touch anything. I was required to sign off on that demand and I, of course, complied.
Chef Brosnamiel did not speak English so when it was time to go to the kitchen he summoned his interpreter.
The first thing that happened was the chef changed his sheet to a mid-brown color and changed his wooden hands to a much broader set. I was not allowed to watch the costume change. The tall amorphously sheeted man began his inspection of my kitchen ordering me (via his interpreter) to empty out all the herbs and spices into the trash.
I did as I was told and we went on to the next task. Everything was omitted from the pantry. He explained that a fresh slate was required in order to obtain flavor and optimum essence in cooking. He moved on to the pots and pans and spent a long time gazing at them. I was sure that he would have me throw out every last one of my old war-wounded pots and my less seasoned pans.
Many minutes later he looked up and explained his slow inspection (via the interpreter). "These are quality cooking vessels but they must be seasoned and not used at high temperatures. Your kitchen equipment is like your hands; they must be moisturized and used with care. The soul of the food is in the hands of this cookware and everything must be combined with care and passion otherwise the result will be gruel."
He taught me to season my cookware and store it properly; we bought fresh herbs and re-stocked the pantry with only the best tinned tomatoes, Spanish olive oil, fine Italian dried pasta, White Truffle oil, salt cured capers, Mexican vanilla, and fragrant Basmati rice.
My kitchen was becoming a cooking haven! I was happy about this but mostly I was curious what Chef Brosnamiel looked like under that sheet and mask
I paid for this service and was not going to be intimidated by this grandiose chef! So as he was preparing to leave I tugged at the sheet and pulled it off! Chef Brosnamiel was a woman!!! A frumpy, middle-aged woman! She pulled off her mask and bristled out the door muttering "merde" under her breath with the interpreter scuttling behind her. Off they went - speeding away in their white Town car.
I decided to keep this a secret, a woman chef posing as a man. I needn’t ruin her reputation, I was happy to know the truth, besides the chef refunded my entire rental purchase! I had no hard feelings.
Several months later I read an article in the New York Times about Chef Brosnamiel. The chef had admitted she was a woman, she was moving back to France to start her own cooking school and Bistro, it will be a themed restaurant and all the wait staff will be wearing the costumes worn by the Chef throughout the years. Wait staff serving soup in sheets! I need to plan a trip to France!
The Red Convertible
The days were getting shorter and the leaves were dropping. It was fall and what a summer we had. We drove thru town. It was a humid airless night and cruising in the convertible was an evening ritual that changed the muggy weather into a breezy pleasure.
At dusk the town started cookin’. People came outside to sit on their porches, old guys out on their significant wooden chairs drinking whiskey and beer, barbecues out in force filling the air with the aroma of cooked meat and smoke.
In the heat of the day people stayed in their homes safe from the humidity in air conditioned comfort. Around dusk out they came, drifting from their wood houses to take in the cool breeze of the evening.
We preferred a faster mode. Our red convertible with its jet black top, was a classy, flashy get-away car with attitude. On hot summer evenings we would race through town and take in the sights.
Now there was a reason for us not sitting out on our porch. We were already the talk of the town and couldn’t just sit around, people would stare. After a hot day, I was not in the mood to be stared at. I grew up in this town and everyone knew of my malady. For the most part I was proud, but in the summer the tourists would make a big fuss and point, laugh and try to take snapshots of me.
I will get to the point. I was born with a duck head attached to my head. Removal would be impossible - it would kill me. This was a living breathing duck head. It ate, it quacked. It was part of me. For the most part I was proud to be unique. I was famous in my town and I liked it that way. I was a bit of a ham.
On those hot summer nights, my cat Winslow, Lila the duck head and I would go on a high speed tour of the town to get some relief from the heat and drive fast!
The town actually presented me with a red convertible Porsche. Instead of the key to the city, I got a car. I was being thanked for all the community service that I had performed throughout the years. I worked closely with the police department. On Mondays and Wednesdays, I cooked meals for the prisoners in the county jail. I cooked both lunch and dinner including homemade pie. I was a good cook and the inmates enjoyed their meals immensely. I would also make food for the policeman and I think that is why they let me speed through town! I would race around. I never got a ticket and sometimes I would even pose for pictures.
Lila and I were the show stopping event. I was the bread and she was the butter. Winslow was the sidekick. I might look strange but I have learned that there is an upside to everything. Riding in my red convertible I am fabulous.
The days were getting shorter and the leaves were dropping. It was fall and what a summer we had. We drove thru town. It was a humid airless night and cruising in the convertible was an evening ritual that changed the muggy weather into a breezy pleasure.
At dusk the town started cookin’. People came outside to sit on their porches, old guys out on their significant wooden chairs drinking whiskey and beer, barbecues out in force filling the air with the aroma of cooked meat and smoke.
In the heat of the day people stayed in their homes safe from the humidity in air conditioned comfort. Around dusk out they came, drifting from their wood houses to take in the cool breeze of the evening.
We preferred a faster mode. Our red convertible with its jet black top, was a classy, flashy get-away car with attitude. On hot summer evenings we would race through town and take in the sights.
Now there was a reason for us not sitting out on our porch. We were already the talk of the town and couldn’t just sit around, people would stare. After a hot day, I was not in the mood to be stared at. I grew up in this town and everyone knew of my malady. For the most part I was proud, but in the summer the tourists would make a big fuss and point, laugh and try to take snapshots of me.
I will get to the point. I was born with a duck head attached to my head. Removal would be impossible - it would kill me. This was a living breathing duck head. It ate, it quacked. It was part of me. For the most part I was proud to be unique. I was famous in my town and I liked it that way. I was a bit of a ham.
On those hot summer nights, my cat Winslow, Lila the duck head and I would go on a high speed tour of the town to get some relief from the heat and drive fast!
The town actually presented me with a red convertible Porsche. Instead of the key to the city, I got a car. I was being thanked for all the community service that I had performed throughout the years. I worked closely with the police department. On Mondays and Wednesdays, I cooked meals for the prisoners in the county jail. I cooked both lunch and dinner including homemade pie. I was a good cook and the inmates enjoyed their meals immensely. I would also make food for the policeman and I think that is why they let me speed through town! I would race around. I never got a ticket and sometimes I would even pose for pictures.
Lila and I were the show stopping event. I was the bread and she was the butter. Winslow was the sidekick. I might look strange but I have learned that there is an upside to everything. Riding in my red convertible I am fabulous.
Dana Finds Her Calling
The weather was dark and gloomy but the color yellow of the taxi and the matching interior helped to cheer Dana up. As she sat in the back of the cab with its reinforced metal screen separating her from the driver, Dana pictured her hands growing into long, wormy talons that wiggled into the metal screen and captured the cabby and stunned him with an electrical current. Dana had a vivid imagination and when stressed, her imagination went into overdrive!
Dana was on her way to a job interview and it had been a very long time since she had spoken to anyone about work. The job market was beginning to recover and employers were starting to hire. Dana was attempting to get a job with a small hardware store in her neighborhood called U-Need It, a very direct name and lacking in finesse, Dana thought to herself, but she was intrigued by the amount of stuff that was crammed into the store. Peg boards full of keys, boxes of nails, piles and piles of garbage bags, tools for the yard, and paint swatches.
Dana felt at home in the mishmash of useful items. There was something consoling about the goods that U-Need It stocked. She was confident that she had a good chance to land this job. Her father had a general store when she was growing up and every day after school and on Saturdays, Dana would work there. Dana loved helping customers and making sales. Her father always gave her a thumbs-up every time and, as her dad put it, “sealed the deal “.
Dana spent hours in front of the mirror wondering how to dress for an interview at a hardware store. She tried on dresses, skirts and dress slacks. She finally decided on a red cashmere sweater, black slacks and waffle soled boots. The sweater and slacks were professional looking but not too dressy and the boots were meant to be worn in this particular field…heavy-duty and made to last.
Suddenly, as she saw the chosen outfit lying out on the bed, she envisioned the fleshless figure getting up waltzing about the room and then returning to its flat form. Prying the bedroom window open, flattening out and travelling outside, the red cashmere arms stretching and stretching longer and longer, the black dress trousers growing taller and taller, the arms and legs each grabbing onto huge trees and forming a huge slingshot. Out popped the big serious boots and centered themselves in the middle of the clothing slingshot and WAM! - the boots slammed into a neighboring house knocking it down to the ground, roof and all!
Back to reality...the job interview. Dana entered the ramshackle hardware store with her most confidant stride, up to the counter she marched. A small man of about forty with thick glasses and a tiny mustache , dressed in a crisp white shirt , narrow brown tie and a blue sweater vest met her eyes and said, “Can I help you? “ He had a very low voice which startled Dana. “Yes! I am looking for Mr. Castille; I am here for an interview. The small man very politely said, “Please come this way. “ He led her to the back of the store and into a dark and narrow hallway full of boxes. At the end of the hall was Mr. Castile’s office. He was at his desk, which was piled high with paperwork. Mr. Castille was a very, very tall man with ashy skin, a Roman nose, and curly salt and pepper hair. “You must be Dana Wintch. Have a seat. I see on your resume that you have had some shop experience but perhaps this is not all I sell!”
Dana watched as the lanky man raised a narrow eyebrow and said, “How do you feel about wigs? “ Dana was puzzled; this place looked like a dusty old hardware store to her. Wigs? What was he going on about! Dana looked at Mr. Castille with her most obliging smile and said, “I love wigs!”
Dana had never had any experience with wigs, but she liked the idea of transforming her look with a new head of hair. Mr. Castille looked pleased and said,”Good! Come this way. “ There was another door that leads out of the office and into another room…maybe another universe! A cross between a dance club and a hair salon! Hanging from the ceiling was a huge glass disco ball and all around the walls were shelves of wigs! Every color, every length - not to mention curly, straight, wavy and crimped! Elegant tan leather quilted salon chairs flanked the sides of the rooms facing large gold gilded mirrors and the floor was wood parquet with a center inset of a gold crown! Dana just stood in the resplendent room with her mouth wide open taking it all in. Mr. Castille nudged her “Snap out of it girl! You are not seeing things, this is Salon Vinchenzo! Welcome!” The small man from the front came in but was wearing different clothes - a sleek grey sharkskin suit with a black satin bowtie. He said to Dana, “I am Vinchenzo and this is my secret wig salon!” Then Mr. Castille said, “I am Gregore Botwatsan and I am really Vinchenzo's assistant! We need you to run the front store full time so we can concentrate on the salon.” Vinchenzo broke in, “Men and woman come from around the world to purchase our wigs. People that need to change their identities, or just want to transform their looks for some special evening. The former Mr. Castille (now George) chimed in, “We have a website and membership to the salon, a secret code of conduct, and a secret knock to enter. This is a conservative town and we need to remain discreet…that is why we have the hardware store - it is our cover!” Vinchenzo moved in close to Dana and asked, “We have shown you our secret ………now can we trust you? “ Dana thought it over for a moment. “Yes, but I would love to try on all the wigs, would that be allowed?”
Needless to say, Dana was hired for the job as front desk clerk at U-Need It
but after hours she was allowed to enter the secret salon, put on a red satin lab coat, and learn the skills for her to become a wig stylist. Dana had never been happier. She had a new job and was apprenticing in her spare time. Her imagination and distracting visions had diminished since taking on this new job and her life felt full of possibility. As for Vinchenzo and George, they became very successful and opened secret wig salons around the world turning the business into a corporation and selling franchises. The two stylists eventually moved to Bucharest where they infused new style and verve to the people of Romania. Dana was the first franchise owner and would hold a themed dance party in the salon every Wednesday night. After all, Dana discovered that she was an artist and artists follow their own rules!
The weather was dark and gloomy but the color yellow of the taxi and the matching interior helped to cheer Dana up. As she sat in the back of the cab with its reinforced metal screen separating her from the driver, Dana pictured her hands growing into long, wormy talons that wiggled into the metal screen and captured the cabby and stunned him with an electrical current. Dana had a vivid imagination and when stressed, her imagination went into overdrive!
Dana was on her way to a job interview and it had been a very long time since she had spoken to anyone about work. The job market was beginning to recover and employers were starting to hire. Dana was attempting to get a job with a small hardware store in her neighborhood called U-Need It, a very direct name and lacking in finesse, Dana thought to herself, but she was intrigued by the amount of stuff that was crammed into the store. Peg boards full of keys, boxes of nails, piles and piles of garbage bags, tools for the yard, and paint swatches.
Dana felt at home in the mishmash of useful items. There was something consoling about the goods that U-Need It stocked. She was confident that she had a good chance to land this job. Her father had a general store when she was growing up and every day after school and on Saturdays, Dana would work there. Dana loved helping customers and making sales. Her father always gave her a thumbs-up every time and, as her dad put it, “sealed the deal “.
Dana spent hours in front of the mirror wondering how to dress for an interview at a hardware store. She tried on dresses, skirts and dress slacks. She finally decided on a red cashmere sweater, black slacks and waffle soled boots. The sweater and slacks were professional looking but not too dressy and the boots were meant to be worn in this particular field…heavy-duty and made to last.
Suddenly, as she saw the chosen outfit lying out on the bed, she envisioned the fleshless figure getting up waltzing about the room and then returning to its flat form. Prying the bedroom window open, flattening out and travelling outside, the red cashmere arms stretching and stretching longer and longer, the black dress trousers growing taller and taller, the arms and legs each grabbing onto huge trees and forming a huge slingshot. Out popped the big serious boots and centered themselves in the middle of the clothing slingshot and WAM! - the boots slammed into a neighboring house knocking it down to the ground, roof and all!
Back to reality...the job interview. Dana entered the ramshackle hardware store with her most confidant stride, up to the counter she marched. A small man of about forty with thick glasses and a tiny mustache , dressed in a crisp white shirt , narrow brown tie and a blue sweater vest met her eyes and said, “Can I help you? “ He had a very low voice which startled Dana. “Yes! I am looking for Mr. Castille; I am here for an interview. The small man very politely said, “Please come this way. “ He led her to the back of the store and into a dark and narrow hallway full of boxes. At the end of the hall was Mr. Castile’s office. He was at his desk, which was piled high with paperwork. Mr. Castille was a very, very tall man with ashy skin, a Roman nose, and curly salt and pepper hair. “You must be Dana Wintch. Have a seat. I see on your resume that you have had some shop experience but perhaps this is not all I sell!”
Dana watched as the lanky man raised a narrow eyebrow and said, “How do you feel about wigs? “ Dana was puzzled; this place looked like a dusty old hardware store to her. Wigs? What was he going on about! Dana looked at Mr. Castille with her most obliging smile and said, “I love wigs!”
Dana had never had any experience with wigs, but she liked the idea of transforming her look with a new head of hair. Mr. Castille looked pleased and said,”Good! Come this way. “ There was another door that leads out of the office and into another room…maybe another universe! A cross between a dance club and a hair salon! Hanging from the ceiling was a huge glass disco ball and all around the walls were shelves of wigs! Every color, every length - not to mention curly, straight, wavy and crimped! Elegant tan leather quilted salon chairs flanked the sides of the rooms facing large gold gilded mirrors and the floor was wood parquet with a center inset of a gold crown! Dana just stood in the resplendent room with her mouth wide open taking it all in. Mr. Castille nudged her “Snap out of it girl! You are not seeing things, this is Salon Vinchenzo! Welcome!” The small man from the front came in but was wearing different clothes - a sleek grey sharkskin suit with a black satin bowtie. He said to Dana, “I am Vinchenzo and this is my secret wig salon!” Then Mr. Castille said, “I am Gregore Botwatsan and I am really Vinchenzo's assistant! We need you to run the front store full time so we can concentrate on the salon.” Vinchenzo broke in, “Men and woman come from around the world to purchase our wigs. People that need to change their identities, or just want to transform their looks for some special evening. The former Mr. Castille (now George) chimed in, “We have a website and membership to the salon, a secret code of conduct, and a secret knock to enter. This is a conservative town and we need to remain discreet…that is why we have the hardware store - it is our cover!” Vinchenzo moved in close to Dana and asked, “We have shown you our secret ………now can we trust you? “ Dana thought it over for a moment. “Yes, but I would love to try on all the wigs, would that be allowed?”
Needless to say, Dana was hired for the job as front desk clerk at U-Need It
but after hours she was allowed to enter the secret salon, put on a red satin lab coat, and learn the skills for her to become a wig stylist. Dana had never been happier. She had a new job and was apprenticing in her spare time. Her imagination and distracting visions had diminished since taking on this new job and her life felt full of possibility. As for Vinchenzo and George, they became very successful and opened secret wig salons around the world turning the business into a corporation and selling franchises. The two stylists eventually moved to Bucharest where they infused new style and verve to the people of Romania. Dana was the first franchise owner and would hold a themed dance party in the salon every Wednesday night. After all, Dana discovered that she was an artist and artists follow their own rules!
Alonso Learns His Lesson
Alonso was a big fan of nature. When he wasn’t hiking in the mountains, river rafting or bird watching in the woods he would watch the Natural Geographic channel constantly. Nature in HD! Every morning he would wake up and have his coffee and watch the splendid vistas that were shown around the world - vivid colors made for a vivid start to the day.
Alonso got out his maps and began planning his next adventure. The trip would be a solo one. His wife Rita left him for another man. This happened over a year ago but Alonso was slow to heal. He was not ready for a new love in his life and made sure to never look any woman straight in the eye. His theory was if you never make direct contact people will ignore you.
Alonso was hard to ignore. He was a huge muscular man and when he came into a room people paid attention, especially women!
The upcoming trip had to be a fairly short one. He was a welder and good at what he did. Welding was hard work but it paid well and his good reputation would get Alonso more work then he could handle. An idea suddenly came to him! A Louisiana swamp tour! He had always wanted to experience that area…strange and dangerous things to be seen and heard, fantastic music and down-home food - Jambalaya, Po’ Boys, Gumbo laced with Tabasco! An exotic taste treat of the senses.
The flight was booked the next day. Alonso packed his duffle bag and set off for Louisiana.
On the plane Alonso had a window seat. The middle seat was occupied by a very attractive redhead, and of course he turned his head towards the window so as not to make any conversation. A pretty temptress was not on his travel menu.
At mid-flight snacks and drinks were served. Alonso had a Johnny Walker Black on ice and a token bag of wheat crackers. He did notice his seat-mate took out a small Tupperware container which was filled with little carrot sticks and a sliver of cheese - a healthy snack! The red head turned to him ”Would you care for a carrot stick? I’m sure carrots would be perfect with whiskey!” Her tone was sarcastic but playful. “Sure,” Alonso said. He took one of the delicate sticks and chomped it down.
So the two got to talking and it turned out they were both going to Louisiana! The redheads name was Rinatta. She loved to travel as well and they had so much in common with their love of travel that they decided to merge their trips together. The trip turned out fantastic. They quickly fell in interest with each other.
Many months later the two decided to move in together. Early on there were problems. Rinatta was a Vegan, she did not approve of TV, her Bassett Hound pissed all over the house, and in the evening she would sit out on the porch, talk on the phone all night and pay no attention to Alonso. Things went from bad to worse! Rinatta started writing poetry and painting abstract paintings only using the colors grey, army green, and orange. She began eating a raw food diet and would not allow any cooked food in the house. She claimed the basset hound was her muse and she would sit around the living room face- to-face with the dog discussing her next poem or painting. Rinatta did not care for cleaning so she did none. When Alonso returned home after a long day at work he would have to face a mad woman and a crusty dog.
Alonso had to do something. His serene home had been turned inside out, and his calm oasis was a wreck.
Rinatta had to go! So Alonso began plotting a way to get her out of the house. On Saturday he invited the mad woman out to a local bar to meet some of his welding pals. He encouraged her to dress up and talk off the shapeless flowered caftan {one of many garish sacks!} She agreed and put on a nice pencil skirt and fitted pima cotton blouse. Welders tend to be a big strong handsome bunch so Rinatta was overwhelmed with this new attention. She could drink like a fish and flirt like a French poodle. I guess she took a liking to a swarthy guy at the bar and left with him .
The next day while Alonso was at work, Rinatta packed up all her paints, paper and hideous wardrobe and of course the dog, and moved out of the house. She left a brief note for Alonso it said: I guess carrots and whiskey don’t go together after all
Alonso cleaned that house for a week and when he was done he sat down in his chair and reflected on the last few months. From now on he would travel by car or watch the world on his flat screen TV in peace and quiet. Later that year his cable went on the blink and he had to have a service call. The technician was a very pleasant woman - smart and loved TV and travel They fell in love and are together to this day. Alonso never had to leave his home…the woman of his dreams had arrived at his doorstep.
Sometimes things just happen that way. Too much effort can result in storms.
Alonso was a big fan of nature. When he wasn’t hiking in the mountains, river rafting or bird watching in the woods he would watch the Natural Geographic channel constantly. Nature in HD! Every morning he would wake up and have his coffee and watch the splendid vistas that were shown around the world - vivid colors made for a vivid start to the day.
Alonso got out his maps and began planning his next adventure. The trip would be a solo one. His wife Rita left him for another man. This happened over a year ago but Alonso was slow to heal. He was not ready for a new love in his life and made sure to never look any woman straight in the eye. His theory was if you never make direct contact people will ignore you.
Alonso was hard to ignore. He was a huge muscular man and when he came into a room people paid attention, especially women!
The upcoming trip had to be a fairly short one. He was a welder and good at what he did. Welding was hard work but it paid well and his good reputation would get Alonso more work then he could handle. An idea suddenly came to him! A Louisiana swamp tour! He had always wanted to experience that area…strange and dangerous things to be seen and heard, fantastic music and down-home food - Jambalaya, Po’ Boys, Gumbo laced with Tabasco! An exotic taste treat of the senses.
The flight was booked the next day. Alonso packed his duffle bag and set off for Louisiana.
On the plane Alonso had a window seat. The middle seat was occupied by a very attractive redhead, and of course he turned his head towards the window so as not to make any conversation. A pretty temptress was not on his travel menu.
At mid-flight snacks and drinks were served. Alonso had a Johnny Walker Black on ice and a token bag of wheat crackers. He did notice his seat-mate took out a small Tupperware container which was filled with little carrot sticks and a sliver of cheese - a healthy snack! The red head turned to him ”Would you care for a carrot stick? I’m sure carrots would be perfect with whiskey!” Her tone was sarcastic but playful. “Sure,” Alonso said. He took one of the delicate sticks and chomped it down.
So the two got to talking and it turned out they were both going to Louisiana! The redheads name was Rinatta. She loved to travel as well and they had so much in common with their love of travel that they decided to merge their trips together. The trip turned out fantastic. They quickly fell in interest with each other.
Many months later the two decided to move in together. Early on there were problems. Rinatta was a Vegan, she did not approve of TV, her Bassett Hound pissed all over the house, and in the evening she would sit out on the porch, talk on the phone all night and pay no attention to Alonso. Things went from bad to worse! Rinatta started writing poetry and painting abstract paintings only using the colors grey, army green, and orange. She began eating a raw food diet and would not allow any cooked food in the house. She claimed the basset hound was her muse and she would sit around the living room face- to-face with the dog discussing her next poem or painting. Rinatta did not care for cleaning so she did none. When Alonso returned home after a long day at work he would have to face a mad woman and a crusty dog.
Alonso had to do something. His serene home had been turned inside out, and his calm oasis was a wreck.
Rinatta had to go! So Alonso began plotting a way to get her out of the house. On Saturday he invited the mad woman out to a local bar to meet some of his welding pals. He encouraged her to dress up and talk off the shapeless flowered caftan {one of many garish sacks!} She agreed and put on a nice pencil skirt and fitted pima cotton blouse. Welders tend to be a big strong handsome bunch so Rinatta was overwhelmed with this new attention. She could drink like a fish and flirt like a French poodle. I guess she took a liking to a swarthy guy at the bar and left with him .
The next day while Alonso was at work, Rinatta packed up all her paints, paper and hideous wardrobe and of course the dog, and moved out of the house. She left a brief note for Alonso it said: I guess carrots and whiskey don’t go together after all
Alonso cleaned that house for a week and when he was done he sat down in his chair and reflected on the last few months. From now on he would travel by car or watch the world on his flat screen TV in peace and quiet. Later that year his cable went on the blink and he had to have a service call. The technician was a very pleasant woman - smart and loved TV and travel They fell in love and are together to this day. Alonso never had to leave his home…the woman of his dreams had arrived at his doorstep.
Sometimes things just happen that way. Too much effort can result in storms.